Raise your hand and do things all over again
by Insertmanyfandomshere
Summary: Another Q&A story. Okay, I'm serious this time.
1. Sony and Koei are not the same

**Loud alarm noises fill up the Koei building and workers were running around dropping papers. In a room filled with computers, workers were typing away at the keyboards. At the lobby, Takasugi walks in yawning.**

**"Ow... My head is banging so hard it's making alarm noises..." A few workers see him and run up to him and drag him up the stairs. they throw him into the computer room.**

**"What are you doing?! Hurry and save the data!"**

**"What data...? What happened...? I'm sorry if I came late-" **

**"Put your hands on the mouse and keyboard!" **

**"Alright..." He sits there for a moment to turn back. "Why are we saving data?" The workers get pushed away to have the president of Koei yell at Takasugi.**

**"We have been hacked by North Korea because they thought we were Sony! Koei rhymes with Sony, but you don't mix them up! We're a barely know name in gaming! Now get saving every piece of data we have! And the renders of the DW and SW characters!"**

**"Can't we just re-animate them?" He gets punched in the face by a few programmers and among them was Izuru.**

**"DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO GET THEIR FACES RIGHT?! LET ALONE FROM SCRATCH?"**

**"...We do have that on file-"**

**"Well, at this rate, we're going to lose those files! Might as well save the final result in order to redo them!"**

**"Alright... Where's the portal?"**

**"Oh, they're not going that way. They're going in here." Izuru holds up a USB drive and Takasugi laughs at it.**

**"Imagine all of them all cramped up in there! It's just cruel even by our standards!"**

**"It's faster and they will have their little space or folder for them to sit in." **

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi stares at a loading screen and he starts to doze off. He then wakes up when a loud beep was heard. He looks at the message on the screen.<strong>

_**"**Not enough space on drive."_

**"Oh... no... Izuru! You gave me a small drive!" Izuru goes up to the computer and asks,"Who else is left?"**

**"Um... Dong Zhou... Xu Chu... and Meng Huo. They were too big to fit into the drive..."**

**"How much space is left?"**

**"Enough for two FULL people. Hmmm... this is a hard choice..."**

**"No, it isn't."**

**"You're right. North Korea can have Dong Zhuo. Besides he's easy for you animate, no? Just slap a big ugly beard on a fat guy and you're good to go! Or just make Santa Claus evil."**

**"That's actually how we did it."**

* * *

><p><strong>Koei workers were turning off their computers and they all ran into the server room to set it on fire and they begin to bash it in with sledgehammers. The workers then all run out to shut the door and the room explodes. Takasugi looks at the room with disbelief and was holding the USB drive.<strong>

**"...That is a bit over the top..." The president walks up to him.**

**"We couldn't take any chances. Besides, we can get another set of servers. Hopefully."**

**"Where am I supposed to put the characters?"**

**"You can just keep them in the drive until this blows over." He walks off and Takasugi looks at the flash drive and something clicked in him.**

**"Hmmm..."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi was holding a tablet and he sticks the drive into its USB port. He turns to break the fourth wall.<strong>

**"We're not sponsored! I swear! This looks like a Mircosoft thing, but it isn't. It totally isn't." The tablet had a Windows symbol on it and Takasugi quickly slaps a black piece of tape over it while looking around anxiously. He turns it on and opens the file for the drive. The screen now showed many folders with names written under them. He taps near them and they all open up to show really tiny versions of the DW and SW characters. **

**"Rise and shine! Wait, can you guys hear me?" Everyone looks up to see Takasugi and they all simultaneously go back into their folders and close the flap over them. **

**"WOW. YOU GUYS ARE SO NICE! Considering I just saved all of you from North Korea." **

**"There's a North Korea?" said most of the folders.**

**"Oh, right. I forgot. Korea was whole back then... Nevermind. So now, you guys have to sit in there until further notice."**

**"Well, that sucks."**

**"Hey, I like it in this thing. It's comfy with all this extra paper in here."**

**"It's just flat! How can you even enjoy this thing?"**

**"Until further notice? How long will that be?"**

**"Mm-hm?" Takasugi shrugs his shoulders. **

**"We can't just sit in here. We'll die of boredom."**

**"You can't die from anything unless we decode you guys. Or... we can do that questions segment again..."**

**"No!" yelled out everyone. The Samurai Warriors section of the folders all talked with confused voices.**

**"What questions segment?"**

**"How come we didn't do that?! We'll give better answers then those ancient corpses over there!" A couple of DW folders open up to show characters with annoyed expressions.**

**"Trust us, you don't want that."**

**"Ancient corpses? At least we look good for "ancient corpses"." The SW folders open up for the characters' rebuttal.**

**"Oh? What was so bad that you guys can't take the heat and popularity?"**

**"The dares... Ohhhh... the dares..."**

**"I had to kiss Guan Xing with some cookie stick!"**

**"I had to talk to mannequins."**

**"I broke my teeth with a rock."**

**"My head was hanging on a piece of skin."**

**"I got thrown out of the building so many times. By my own father."**

**"I had to kiss a mannequin." **

**The SW characters looked at the DW characters with weird expressions. **

**"Well, aside from kissing men and plastic people, that sounds like fun."**

**"Yeah! I want to do it!" **

**"You, Mister Black Eyes! Make us do that!"**

**"No! I don't want it!"**

**"The only one protesting is Mitsunari! The majority beats his vote!" **

**Takasugi laughs nervously and says,"I don't know... As much I'd like to do it... But... I'm going to face facts here. The author doesn't know Samurai Warriors that well... I mean, all that person got was that Mitsunari lost his head somewhere and Nobunaga is gay for Ranmaru and they died together in that building when Mitsuhide betrayed them. Masamune being a kid with one eye, Yukimura being Japanese Zhao Yun... It's just the basic stuff in general, but really not familiar with your character and personality."**

**"There. We won't do it then."**

**"Hell no! We're not letting DW get all the fun here!" A voice was heard from the DW section.**

**"But who came first? Us."**

**"Oh? You want a go with us, huh? Huh?!" Most of the characters from either side get out of their folders and they all look like they were ready to attack each other. **

**"Uh-oh." Takasugi quickly plugs that tablet with a cord and connects the other end to the portal in the room. It activates and comes out the DW and SW characters at once. **

**"No,no,no! This isn't how it was supposed to happen!" Before anyone got up, Takasugi quickly takes out a PS4 controller and turns it on. Some taunted,"What's that going to do?"**

**"This." Takasugi presses the touch pad on the controller and suddenly, the SW characters start to get sucked into the controller. After he got them out of the pile, the controller was moving around. **

**"This started to feel a little heavy..." He turns around to see the DW characters trying to jump out of the window.**

**"I wouldn't do that if I were you..." The characters ignored him and they jumped out to safely land on their feet outside. When some ran past the parking lot, sparks fly on their bodies and they fall down. **

**"Yeeeeah..." He turns to the remaining characters that didn't jump out. "This wasn't my idea. The programmers really wanted to make sure you guys don't run out again into the real world like last time.**** And... ehhhh...yeeeeahhh... this was the best they could do... Luckily, the newer YOUNG characters got the shock and not you old characters since you're all smart enough to not jump out there. Anyway, to the auditorium! All parents, guardians, or masters please pick up your charred children or disciples from below there."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi and the DW cast are now in the auditorium watching a large screen. It was the SW cast being thrown around on the inside of the controller. <strong>

**"This is so much fun!" Takasugi continues to mess with the controller and the SW cast (they were in chibi form) on the screen were being thrown back and forth and side to side with every move of the controller. Yelling was heard from the screen.**

**"This could have been you, you guys." He presses buttons to have the cast dance to to each button pressed. "Okay, let the mail flow in while I continue to shame my country's heroes. Also, don't leave or else you'll become roasted ducks." Complaints are heard in the DW cast.**

**"Why?! I rather be drowning in my own blood then suffer with... with... that!"**

**"Never thought mail could be so unnerving for me..."**

**"I better not kiss another man again!"**

**"I'm gonna risk it!" The reckless characters (you decide) ran out of the auditorium and you hear yelling. They walk back in charred black and then collapsed.**

**"Told ya." Takasugi continues to play with the controller and he then turns to break the fourth wall.**

**"Q&A story restart. Yup, the author's really out of it."**

* * *

><p><strong>I've decided to do this again. Yup, I'm nuts and unoriginal.<strong>


	2. I'm such a liar

**Takasugi was still playing with the PS4 controller and on the screen was the SW cast being thrown around. In the background, you see groups of DW characters patting themselves down. **

**"Where is this electric thing that keeps shocking us?!"**

**"I think I got it-Nope. Just a meatbun." Takasugi turns to say,"It's not on you, it's in you. And don't think about cutting yourselves up to find it because you'll just hurt yourselves." **

**"Where is it? Where is it? I don't want to do mail!"**

**"Mail is scary!"**

**"...Okay... This is ridiculous. You're afraid of paper. Let me show you guys a letter that isn't bad." He goes to set the controller on a table and takes a letter from a mailbox that just happened to be standing in the middle of the auditorium. **

Sima Zhao, What would you do if caught Yuanji cheating on you?

Wen Yang, I dare you to gve Xiahou Ba a piggyback ride to show him what it is like to be tall.

Sima Yi, I dare you to pimp smack Zhong Hui just because you can.

**"See? Not so bad-" The people mentioned in this letter hid under the seats in the auditorium.**

**"I'm not kissing Jia Chong! Stop asking me to for the last time!"**

**"I'm not kissing Sima Shi! It's bad enough I killed him!"**

**"I'm not kissing anyone here! I may wear purple, but I'm not fruity!"**

**"...Didn't you see the letter...? It's not that stuff from last time." Takasugi drops the letter under the seats and they all come out with embarrassed looks on their face.**

**"Oh."**

**"That." **

**"Nevermind." Sima Zhao quickly says,"I will kill that bastard that Yuanji's cheating with and I'l go crying to my parents to kick Yuanji out of the family."**

**"What?"**

**"What? Nothing. I'll give Yuanji the cold shoulder like she already does with me." Wen Yang quickly runs over to Xiahou Ba and picks him up to run around with him. He stops and tosses Xiahou Ba away.**

**"There. Done." Takasugi comments,"You guys are really out of it. The things you're doing seems forced." **

**"Forced? What makes you say that? We're taking our time here." Sima Yi was giving rapid slaps to Zhong Hui's face at an alarming speed. "We're just doing what that letter says." **

**"Ow! Ow! OW! I HATE YOU! OW!" Sima Yi throws Zhong Hui over his shoulder when he was done and he hits the wall. **

**"Yeah, you guys are feeling forced to do this."**

**"Again, we're not feeling forced. We just want to get this done as fast as possible."**

**"Here's another." **

To Lu Lingqi: Who would you consider as a worthy opponent/rival?  
>To Xing Cai: Same question as Lu Lingqi...<br>To Sima Yi: what's with the hat?  
>To Guan Ping: jealous of Liu Shan?<p>

**Takasugi looks around the auditorium and can't find the people in this letter except Sima Yi. **

**"Where are they-" He sees many of the younger characters still attempting to run out of the auditorium and loud zapping noises are heard when they did. **

**"Come back in!"**

**"No!"**

**"You guys are very cautious every since the last Q&A story."**

**"Duh. We're trying to avoid being humiliated."**

**"And this century's stuff is more interesting then this-Wait, don't answer that. Huff... no matter how many times you run out of the auditorium, you still are going to get shocked. Come on, play along. Now the kids that keep trying to run out of here, please stop or you'll end up being blacker than how Jia Chong likes his coffee." The screen containing the SW cast has them yelling out,"You can get rid of the shock treatment by destroying a certain valued item owned by one of you people! That's where the all the shock comes from!" Takasugi chokes and yells at the DW cast.**

**"They're lying!" The DW cast started to look around and began to grab at each other. **

**"S*bleep*! Come on! That's a really bad design flaw! No way the programmers would just stick the generator on one of you guys!" **

**"I think it's Zhong Hui's rattail on his head! Cut it!"**

**"No way! It's totally Sima Yi's hat!"**

**"Come on, that's too obvious!"**

**"Look in between the women's boobs! It might in there!" Takasugi nervously says to them,"Come now, let's not screw each other up... Okay! If you don't stop, I'll decode one of you into nothing but unidentifiable pixels!" **

**"Depends on who you plan to get rid of."**

**"Xu Shu! I'll do it!" The DW cast stops and the room fills up with silence. Everyone then all push Xu Shu to Takasugi. **

**"Sure. Take him."**

**"Whaaaat?! Why is everyone against me?!"**

**"Umm... Forget it. He's Koei's cash cow along with Zhao Yun and I can't do anything to him or else I'll get demoted. Anyway, those Samurai Warriors are lying about something on of you being the shock generator. Heheheheheh... Now just answer the letters!" **

**"Sure."**

**"Really? Okay. Let's go back to that letter from before."**

**"Nope. Too late."**

**"What?! Then the sender will get-"**

**"We don't care."**

**"You guys are really mean these days... Fine. Let me dig around in the box."**

One question though, does Takasugi really exist or not?

**"Sorry... but... no... I was created to be comic relief since these guys can't do that because they're too ancient to make any jokes of this time... But who knows? You can try looking through the Koei game credits and see if you can find a guy with my name. Let me see what else...Mh!" He looks at a paper and then rips it up.**

**"Izuru will be piiiiisssed if he knows this... And that there is why we said everything is permitted almost. Here's another..."**

Questions  
>Sima Yi:What would you do if you became a imbecile.<br>Lu Bu:If your so strong then why did you serve Orochi instead of making your own kingdom  
>All leaders:What do you think of Communism<p>

Dares  
>Make Wu characters into communists<br>Have all Shu characters have tanks to destroy the other kingdoms including Jin and Other  
>All characters in Wei have to change Genders<br>Have the Samurai Warriors cast watch them and let them comment on the dares and questions

**"Sima Yi is getting all of the attention here. Is it because of his little mailtime segment from before?" The screen behind him had a few characters complaining to him.**

**"How come one of us didn't get a mail segment?" **

**"...No reason. It's just... uh... So, Sima Yi, just answer the thing."**

**"That is a dumb question. I will never become the very thing I hate so much."**

**"Next on the letter is for Lu Bu." Lu Bu was standing there with a face in thought. **

**"Um... hello?"**

**"I never thought about that... Why did I work for a lizard man? I should have just went my own way... I wasted that opportunity..."**

**"That next one is for the leaders."**

**"What's communism?" asked Cao Cao.**

**"I actually find it hard to explain... The basics is that everyone gets the same pay or that they get equal property or something like that... That's all I got... "**

**"That sounds okay, I guess...?"**

**"This next part here is confusing... How do you turn someone into a commnist? It's not like you can just turn someone into something else like magic. I... don't think we could get tanks here... Wei changing genders... Look, I know Japan has a weird fetish for turning men into women and vice versa, but... really?" The SW cast on screen yelled out,"Wuss!" Takasugi angrily turns around to take out a remote and shuts the screen off.**

Lu Bu: Jump off a cliff. Do it or I'll sic my crazyfangirl sister on you.

**"Where can I find a cliff...? Hmm... Oh well... Lu Bu, come with me. We're going to Mt. Fuji. You guys stay here and be good." Takasugi then turns the large screen on again.**

**"You guys watch them!"**

**"But we're inside a screen!"**

**"Thanks!" He runs out with Lu Bu following him.**

* * *

><p><span><strong>The top of Mt. Fuji<strong>

**Takasugi was flying in a helicopter and has Lu Bu sitting with him inside.**

**"Let me get this camera rolling and we'll get started."**

**"Wait, you're actually making me do this?"**

**"Well, since you guys can survive falling from high places, you should be fine. I'm going to stick this thing on you." Takasugi puts a small camera on Lu Bu's head.**

**"Bye."**

**"What's this for-Argh!" He gets pushed out of the helicopter and falls down towards to the ground below. **

**"Now let me see what's he seeing." He takes out a laptop to show footage of clouds zipping away as Lu Bu fell from the sky.**

**"It's so goddamn cold up here! How long am I supposed to fall?!"**

**"Considering how heavy you are, gravity should do the work for you."**

**After a while, the helicopter lands in an uninhabited area and Takasugi looks up to see Lu Bu falling down towards him.**

**"Okay, here's the climax!" Lu Bu comes down closer and closer until he lands perfectly on his feet. Nothing happens. **

**"Well, that was a waste of a trip-" The ground starts to shake tremendously and the two turn to see Mt. Fuji break at the tip and some snow fell off. **

**"We're going back."**

* * *

><p><strong>When the two got back, the auditorium was empty.<strong>

**"What the?!" He runs up to the large screen in the room. "You guys were supposed to watch them!"**

**"Hello? We're all in a large screen. They're not going to listen to us."**

**"What happened?!"**

**"They figured it out. Your little shock trick was unveiled. It was in Sima Yi's hat."**

**"Damn it! It was so obvious! Where are they?!" **

**"Mm-hm?"**

**"Crap! S*bleep*! S*bleep*! S*bleep*!" **

**"Sima Yi is right there if you want to ask him." **

**"What?" Takasugi turns to see Sima Yi lying on the stage unconscious without his hat.**

**"What did they do?!"**

**"They started to get out of control and Sima Zhao then knocked him out accidentally. When the hat fell off and got crushed within everyone's feet, Gan Ning and Ling Tong were running around outside to get no shocks. The rest is history."**

**"Damn it! This is no longer an Q&A!"**

**"We can be replacements-"**

**"This is already in the DW category! We're not using you!"**

**"You're no fun!"**

**"I got it! Why don't you guys help me get those DW characters back?"**

**"Sure." Takasugi grabs the PS4 controller to have it shoot out the SW cast and they were back to their original form.**

**"Go. Shoo." The SW cast then run out of the auditorium to then have loud zapping noises and yelling.**

**"Oh wait. I forgot to disable it." Takasugi takes out a remote and then presses a button. He turns to Lu Bu and he was poking Sima Yi with a stick.**

**"He's still alive."**

**"Of course he is. Wake him up. I need him to help tell me how a certain character thinks. Actually, let me do it." Takasugi goes to the unconscious Sima Yi and begins to slap him multiple times. **

**"Wakey-wakey! Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!" **

**"It's not working."**

**"Oh my, do I see Zhang Chunhua and Zhen Ji getting into bed together?" Sima Yi remains out cold. "Okay, Wang Yi and Zhang Chunhua. That'll get you up." Sima Yi still remains unconscious. **

**"Come on! I see Cao Pi hitting on your wife! Guo Jia hitting on your wife! Xun Yu being your replacement! Xu Shu is a good character!" Sima Yi angrily mumbles,"No... he... isn't..."**

**"Zhuge Liang is the best scholar ever."**

**"No... he isn't... You piece of s*bleep*..."**

**"I have all of these gay comics of you and Cao Pi... I know how much you hate these." Sima Yi quickly opens his eyes and runs away from Takasugi.**

**"Keep those away from me!"**

**"Ha, thought so! Now, you're up. Come on, we're going on a hunt."**

**"...Until you burn those."**

**"Are you kidding? This will bring in 50,000 yen for myself! There are times where I love how stupid women get with handsome men being gay and this is one of them. Besides, it's everywhere. You can't stop it. I'll just makes sure you don't look at them. Now you two let's go!" **

* * *

><p><strong>This stopped being a Q&amp;A because of the characters running away. I know, I lied. I'm a horrible, horrible person.<strong>


	3. Indecent exposure

**"Now, tell me where are your friends." said Takasugi to Lu Bu and Sima Yi.**

**"Not exactly friends..."**

**"Most of the people I would want to look for are related to me."**

**"Whatever you call them! Man, I'd hate to see what Zhang Chunhua would do here..."**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"I have said this many times, and I'm going to say it again. She looks like a stripper. And Diao Chan... Oh... Nope... yeah... She's getting trouble."**

**"I don't even know where to start looking..."**

**"I don't think so. Look." Lu Bu points to a Xu Shu walking around in the busy streets and he gets hit by a car. **

**"Oh. Well, I don't care about him."**

**"Me either."**

**"I care! Hello?! My bosses will fire me if I let him get damaged! Save him!" **

**"AHHHHHH!" Xu Shu was hit by a truck and flew to the group on the sidewalk. **

**"Nevermind. He came to us." Takasugi kneels down to speak with Xu Shu. "Where are the rest? Tell me!" He picks him up by the collar and shakes him.**

**"Ahhhh! I don't know! Everyone scattered once we found out the shocking stopped!"**

**"Okay. Go back home."**

**"Can I at least look around-"**

**"Why? This generation is a wasteland. You're better off dying young in Ancient China."**

**"Can I...?"**

**"Your puppy dog eyes don't work on me since all I consider you is an ATM. Ugh... fine. Just don't walk off and get hit by a car again."**

**"Yay." Loud music is heard near them and Takasugi takes out his phone. **

**"Hello?"**

**"How are our friends doing?" This was the president of Koei.**

**"Um... fine. They are snug in their little folders. In the drive."**

**"Oh. Good. Tell me why are the news saying they are seeing Nobunaga Oda and Mitsuhide Akechi having tea at a local cafe? And why is there another area of town saying a tall brown haired man stole multiple bags of chips from the local convenience store?"**

**"What?" Takasugi covers the speaker and angrily mutters away from the phone. "The SW cast are just as easily side-tracked as the DW cast... I shouldn't have let them out of the PS4..." He puts the phone back up to his ear again.**

**"So, care to tell me something?"**

**"Yes. I was about to start a questions segment and everyone was so darn uncooperative they ran out on me..."**

**"You do remember last time you did that? I mean, they hated that so much, you could hear them muttering in their sleep about it." **

**"I thought it would just... you know... fly by them or something..."**

**"Yeah, that's not how they work. Now go get the characters back or you will the one not coming back here."**

**"Ahhhh... yes..."**

**"Now I am sending a few guys over to search the country or the town in general to get them back. Because this is over a hundred-something people and you obviously can't contain them all. Goodbye." The line gets cut and Takasugi puts away his phone.**

**"I need for you three to give me an idea on where your beloved, friends, or people you know are or planning to go."**

**"I don't even know this place well!"**

**"Just give me an idea on what your people like and I'll go look in the modern equivalent of it." **

**"...I still don't know where they go..."**

**"Me either..." **

**"I saw Zhuge Liang getting dragged by Liu Bei and that's all I got."**

**"Where would Liu Bei go...? Hmmm... I don't know. Fine, we'll just drive around until we can grab some characters up. I saw the name of the cafe Nobunaga was at, so let's start there."**

* * *

><p><strong>The group gets to the cafe and they see a large crowd of people over there. <strong>

**"Looks like there are people who want to check out Cao-I mean-Nobunaga and throw tomatoes at Zhou Y-I mean-Mitsuhide."**

**"You were about to confuse Cao Cao and Zhou Yu with them...?"**

**"I'm sorry! I spend more time with DW then SW and the fact their faces are recycled doesn't make it any better here!" Takasugi pushes the people aside and stands over the table Nobunaga, Mitsuhide, Ranmaru, and Gracia were sitting in.**

**"Hello? You forgot our deal?"**

**"But I really want to know what happened to Japan after I died... Apparently, the people like to make cakes with very intricate designs on them..."**

**"Aside from Japan siding with the Nazis, we're pretty good after you died. Now let's go." Gracia whines,****"Awww, but I want this nice strawberry cake with a chocolate drawing of a cat!" **

**"..." Takasugi turns to a server in the cafe. "Do you guys take to-go orders?" **

**The new group walks out of the cafe and Takasugi stops to face them.**

**"Man, this is the weirdest combination of Koei characters since... well... Every Warriors Orochi game. Anyway, Nobunaga! You're supposed to help me find the DW cast!" **

**"Why are you putting the blame on me? It was Ranmaru and Gracia that got attracted with the girly cakes over there. Mitsuhide just stayed quiet here."**

**"Who's the boss here? YOU."**

**"Then I'm the boss of you."**

**"No,no,no. I don't count. Grr... how to find over a hundred characters within here... I'm only one person and the people I need to help me have the attention span of a five-year old..."**

**"HEY!" yelled out everyone that was there. Takasugi turns to them to retort,"Well, you guys are just getting awed by one little thing here! Now, where was I...? Alright, Nobunaga, get into the controller." Takasugi points to the PS4 controller in his hand.**

**"I don't want to."**

**"Too bad." Takasugi touches the pad and the SW characters gets sucked into the controller. He looks up to see Xu Shu and then has him get sucked into the controller. **

**"Hey!"**

**"Wait... Maybe I'll use Mitsuhide and Gracia." He swipes upwards to have the controller spit out the two mentioned. "You should lead me to a good number of your friends. Like Motochika, Magoichi, and those two will then lead us to more people."  
><strong>

**"..." Everyone started to give blank stares at him.**

**"I'm feeling deja vu here..." **

**"Hmm... finding people that will then lead you to find more people..."**

**"Okay! I get it! It sounds like Warriors Orochi! Except we're in the real world and there's not giant evil thing trying to kill us. Now you four get into the car."**

* * *

><p><strong>In the moving car, Gracia was talking Sima Yi's ear off while Lu Bu and Mitsuhide stayed quiet.<strong>

**"Lord Sima Yi! It's been sooo long since we talked! I heard you're married! Oh, that's so cute of you!"**

**"...Uh-huh...What is with the funky dress and hair that reminds me of-" **

**"****What's with the hat that reminds me of a boat?"**

**"Sima Yi, what do you have against her clothes?" said Mitsuhide.**

**"Nothing. It's just you should be more cautious as a father when it comes to your daughter's well-being."**

**"You don't have daughters, so don't tell me how to take of Gracia."**

**"I took care of my wife when she was young. It sort of was like having a daughter."**

**"That's wrong on many levels..."**

**"Don't think of it like that!"**

**"Too late." **

**Takasugi takes out his phone to see it ringing. He answers it.**

**"Hello?"**

**"Hi, um... You should come down to the police station..."**

**"Suzaku, what now?"  
><strong>

**"Just come down here. Your job will be very simplified here." **

**"Alright."**

* * *

><p><strong>When the five went into the police station, an officer goes up to them.<strong>

**"You came for that guy over there?" He points to a holding cell with a scrawny Koei worker sitting on the bench. **

**"Suzaku, what did you do?!"**

**"Well... It was a huge misunderstanding... I was trying to make Diao Chan and Lu Lingqi come with me, but the police happened to come by and confused the entire situation..."**

**"...Okay... Wait, you said my job will be simplified here. What did you mean by that?"**

**"Look." Suzaku points to another holding cell that contained a large amount of DW characters.**

**"...Ahhhh...? I knew it..." **

**The officer looks at Takasugi with a puzzled expression.**

**"Um... You're here for those guys too...?"**

**"Yes. What did they do?"**

**"...Oh well. Want me to go through with everyone in there?"**

**"Yes." **

**"Alright." Takasugi gets lead to the cell and the officer points to characters while reading off a clipboard.**

**"Okay... Um..."**

**"I'll look at it myself."**

**"Okay." Takasugi receives the clipboard and he reads it. **

**"...Oh my god... Come on... I expected better from all of you..." Gan Ning was shaking the bars of the cell. **

**"Hey! Let me out! You there!" **

**"What is it now?! What did you fu*bleep*ing do?!"**

**"I was just walking around minding my own beeswax and then they just put me in here!"**

**"...Let's see... Oh. You were arrested for "loitering"."**

**"They arrest you for standing around?! That's bull*bleep*!"**

**"You stood around a store and didn't move for half an hour."**

**"I was confused on whether or not that was a naked lady in the window!"**

**"That was an undressed mannequin. That's the only explanation on why she wasn't moving or even screamed at you. Who else is in here?" **

**"I dunno."**

**"Argh... Let me go up to everyone then..."**

* * *

><p><strong>Here's the list of people that ended up in jail along with the police profile they got.<strong>

**Cao Cao: Sexual harassment, victim called the police when suspect was following her to the salon. **

**"Come on!"**

**"I didn't know that was harassment! I was just admiring her dress and face and bust and ass..."**

**"Uh-huh."**

**Dian Wei: Assault and battery of a police officer, suspect put officer in chokehold when about to arrest another suspect.**

**"You just wanted to protect Cao Cao, but... It doesn't work that way here..."**

**"This man on the other side over there keeps giving me the stink-eye..." Dian Wei points to another cell with a bulky bald man covered in tattoos sitting in it. He was cracking his knuckles while looking at Dian Wei.**

**"What did you do?"**

**"Nothing."**

**"He must have confused you for another biker, I guess..."**

**Guo Jia: Public intoxication, indecent exposure, sexual harassment, resisting arrest, suspect was intoxicated while missing his pants and harassing passing women.**

**"Whoa. Just. What happened...?"**

**"I have no idea."**

**"How do you cause this much crime in just an hour?!"**

**"They're not serious... I think..." **

**"I'm looking at your mugshot here and... well... I'll say this. You make mugshots look good. ****And what's with the indecent exposure?"**

**"They just added that! When those men tackled me, they pulled down my pants! It was their fault!"**

**Jia Xu: Public intoxication, petty theft, resisting arrest, suspect stole thirty bottles of alcohol from convenience store and drank them.**

**"Not surprised here. But, how do you know where to get a drink?"**

**"I saw this place and it had many bottles for show."**

**"You just grabbed them, huh?"**

**"You were supposed to pay for them? I didn't see price tags on it."**

**Wang Yi: Public intoxication, assault and battery of a police officer, resisting arrest, suspect was intoxicated when she threatened an officer and then jumped on him to beat him up.**

**"I'm not going to react to this. It's a go-figure here." **

**"It was all Jia Xu's fault... And Xun Yu left us when those men in blue came."**

**"He didn't want to dragged with you, so he obviously left you guys high and dry."**

**Lu Xun: Arson, suspect burned down a store using alcohol as the igniter.**

**Zhu Ran: Arson, suspect burned down an apartment complex by shooting flaming arrows at any curtains in the windows.**

**"Yeah, I'm going to bother."**

**"You are getting us out of here, right?"**

**"Of course. I'd hate for you two to get butt-raped in prison."**

**"Say what?"**

**"You two are literally jailbait. But let me move on."**

**Lian Shi: Indecent exposure, suspect's chest was almost fully exposed as she walked down the street.**

**"I never thought you would commit a crime... But it's always the quiet ones..."**

**"I didn't do anything, they just put chains on me and took me here..."**

**"Yes, I know. It's the dress's and the costume designer's fault."**

**Zhang Fei: Public intoxication, assault on a police officer, indecent exposure, resisting arrest, 3rd degree murder, suspect killed an officer in a drunken rage while wearing no pants.**

**"OH MY GOD. What?! You killed someone?!"**

**"I... wasn't ma fault..." Zhang Fei falls down snoring and hiccuping. **

**"..."**

**Sima Zhao: Petty theft, suspect stole twenty-six bags of an assortment of foods.**

**"Why?"**

**"It was just sitting there..."**

**Mitsuhide gives Sima Yi a "I told you so" grin. **

**"Looks like I'm not the one with horrible parenting skills..."  
><strong>

**"I did not teach him that!" Sima Yi looks over in the cell to see Zhang Chunhua and Wang Yuanji.**

**"What the hell did you two do?! Let me guess, killed a maid and accomplice to murder."**

**"No...****Not exactly..." The two's faces turned red with embarrassment. **

**"What?" **

**Takasugi reads the clipboard to Sima Yi.**

**"Indecent exposure. Suspect's chest was almost fully exposed and caused a few cars to crash. For Wang Yuanji, same thing."**

**"Oh... Makes sense."**

**Jia Chong: 3rd degree murder, suspect used a gumball machine to hit a man upon the head for insulting him. The victim died immediately.**

**"Ohhhh, why aren't I surprised...? I can't get you out if you killed someone..."**

**"That man asked for it."**

**"And you gave him death from gumball machine. That's got to embarrassing..."**

**Diao Chan: Indecent exposure, suspect was barely fully clothed.**

**"This explains itself. But I'm surprised an officer didn't let you off the hook for you know..." Lu Bu glares at Takasugi.**

**"What are you trying to say?"**

**"Look, she's pretty enough to cause accidents, I'm pretty sure she can seduce an officer to let her go."**

**Zhang Jiao: Disturbing the peace, suspect was yelling "Yellow Turbans" and "Way of Peace" to those passing by.**

**"Oh, you never change, don't you? But it's the 21st century, no one wants to know the Way of Peace. They want Christianity, Islam, or Buddhism."**

**"Yooooou never know!"**

**Meng Huo: Indecent exposure, suspect is not fully clothed.**

**Zhu Rong: Indecent exposure, suspect is not fully clothed.**

**"Jeez, most of you guys are getting indecent exposures left and right!"**

**"Not my fault your generation is so uptight about clothing..."**

**"My generation is ALL ABOUT clothing."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi turns to the officer.<strong>

**"So... Can you let them go...?"**

**"Depends. The two that committed murder obviously stay here."**

**"Ahhh... What about bail?"**

**"Well... Hmph... I doubt you have the money to pay for everyone. Which one you want to take back?"**

**"Okay... um... I'm just wondering, do you know their names?" **

**"Not really. They all refused to give their name."**

**"Uh-huh. Give me time to think about it."**

**"Okay." The officer leaves and Takasugi quickly takes out the PS4 controller and has it suck in the DW characters into it. He quickly walks out of the station only to have Suzaku yell out to him.**

**"Hey! Hey! What about me?!"**

**"Oh right." Takasugi then goes up to an officer.**

**"Is it okay if he goes out? It was a huge misunderstanding."**

**"Hmm... Fine. He doesn't even look threatening, so I guess he can go."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi pushes everyone into his car and he goes in to drive away from the police station. <strong>

**"I suppose at this rate, I can finish collecting everyone." Mitsuhide then abruptly yells at him,"There's Motochika!"**

**"Where?"**

**"There! He's with Sima Yi's other unstable child!" Mitsuhide was pointing to a fountain where Motochika was playing with his shamisen. Sima Shi was sitting next to him eating a meatbun. Sima Yi turns to Mitsuhide and laughs halfheartedly. **

**"Hahaheehehe... Hehehe..." He quickly grabs Mitsuhide by the collar. "I'm going to punch your Zhou Yu-ish face!" He does that and Mitsuhide falls down on the car floor unconscious. Gracia then cries to Sima Yi,"WHY'D YOU DO THAT?! YOU MEANIE!" She begins to hit him rapidly and begins to pull on him.**

**Takasugi says to Lu Bu, who was sitting in the front seat.**

**"I thought you were violent."**

**"No one is bothering me right now. What can I do?" The car gets parked and the door opens to have the unconscious Mitsuhide fall out. Sima Yi then falls out when an angry Gracia hitting him while clinging onto him back. **

**"Stop! Ah!"**

**"Not until you say sorry to my father!"**

**"He can't even hear me in his state!" **

**"Then wake him up!"**

**"You do it! You're the daughter!" Over at the fountain, Motochika turns to look towards the yelling and sees the unconscious Mitsuhide and Sima Yi getting hit by Gracia. **

**"Oh dear me. What happened over there?" Sima Shi loks towards he was looking and sees Sima Yi being thrown around by Gracia.**

**"I've seen that except my mother was doing it."**

**"Your father is married? I never thought of a woman who can stomach him."**

**"What about that woman with the pink puffy hair? Isn't she... umm... Your..."**

**"Well, I don't know... She comes and goes... I don't even think I had a chance to actually have sexual encounters with her... Anyway, I'll go visit Mitsuhide and get his daughter off your father." Motochika gets up to walk towards the mess and picks up Gracia off of Sima Yi. **

**"Oh, hello Shi-if-he-was-heavily-influenced-by-Jia-Chong." Motochika simply stares at him blankly and sets Gracia down back onto him to let her continue to beat him up. **

**"Ah! Hey!" Motochika ignores Sima Yi and turns to poke Mitsuhide's unconscious body.**

**"He is out cold. We are going to have to wait for him to wake up for anything to happen." Takasugi then talks to him. **

**"Ahem. Why are you here and not collecting the DW characters?"**

**"Why are you so wanting for them to come back? Simply wait until they have enough of this century and we will all come back to you."**

**"But-"**

**"I'll come back, but are you willing to be patient with-"**

**"Yeahyeahyeahyeah. Get in." Takasugi has the PS4 controller suck Motochika in. Sima Shi was standing there and was about to run, but the controller gets him in there.**

**"Okay, Gracia, you can continue getting mad at Sima Yi in the car and get your father back in. Huff..."**


	4. Hey, at least I got some answered

**The car was stuck in traffic and inside of the car was Gracia still slapping Sima Yi while everyone just ignores him.**

**"Come on! Can you at least not let her tear out my hair!?" Takasugi responds to him,"Everyone wants to see this, so you're stuck with her." Gracia continues to pull on Sima Yi. Sima Yi then angrily zaps her and she turns into a box.**

**"Magic works here?!"**

**"Ahhh... now she shuts up now..." The box hops around with Gracia's voice. **

**"I can't open the top!"**

**"Stay in there until your father gets up from his beauty sleep."**

**"I want to speak with my lawyer!"**

**"You have a lawyer? Ha." **

**An hour passed and the car gets out of traffic. Takasugi then parks the car at a mall.**

**"My phone's tracker app is getting a few pings from this place." He turns to see everyone sleeping. He hits the horn to have the noise make everyone jump up in shock.**

**"Let's go. Wait, let me call someone to do something."**

* * *

><p><strong>Back at the auditorium, Suzaku takes out his phone to answer it.<strong>

**"Hello?"**

**"You're hosting the segment. Find a PS4 controller and have it spit out the characters I picked up."**

**"What segment?"**

**"The thing where characters do s*bleep* the audience says!"**

**"Oh. Sure." He hangs up and quickly walks to a table that had a PS4 controller on it. He turns it on and swipes on the touchpad to have it shoot out everyone that had been captured so far.**

**"Uhhh... what do I do?" He sees the mailbox and he looks through it.**

**"Why is there a mailbox smack in the middle here?" He takes out a pile of letters and looks through them.**

**"Umm... only a few of the people are actually here... Okay, Lu Xun has to not go burn something. Gan Ning, Dian Wei, this one's about your nipples. Sima Zhao has to make a smoothie. Okay, shoot."**

**"What about my nipples?" asked Gan Ning.**

**"This letter asked on why you and Dian Wei don't have any nipples. And it suggested you two have cancer."**

**"Well, whoever wrote that is blind. You can easily see my nipples. Look."**

**"No thank you... Okay... I'll need to head into the company break room to grab that blender." **

**Few minutes later, the table has a blender with random food items around it on it. Suzaku then leads Sima Zhao to it.**

**"Go nuts and choose who gets to taste it."**

**"Okay." He just throw in random fruits and miscellaneous foods like bags of chips, leftover coffee, yogurt, a sandwich, cheese, juice, and a few sushi rolls. He blends up the things and then pours out a very dark liquid. **

**"Soo... who do I give it to?"**

**"Your wife, your brother, your mom... Your subjects..." **

**"Umm... You do it."**

**"Why? I'm not doing the dare here."**

**"...Fine. I choose giving this to Shi." Sima Shi hears this and quickly says,"I'm not thirsty! But I think Yuanji's throat is a bit dry! Her voice sounds a bit screechy!"**

**"Okay." Wang Yuanji hears this and then quickly says,"My throat's fine. But maybe Jia Chong needs something to drink besides blood in order to stop talking like a possessed demon."**

**"He IS a possessed demon."**

**"It's because his throat is dry as the Gobi Desert. Make him drink that and he'll be talking normally. I heard he likes really black coffee, so this is good for him." Jia Chong hears this and then quickly says,"Come on, you should be a good son and give your creation to your mother. She can't refuse it since she loves you so." Sima Zhao turns slowly towards Zhang Chunhua holding the black liquid and she quickly says,"I'm not thirsty. Why don't you drink it?"**

**"..." Sima Zhao looks at the liquid and says back,"Uhhh... I'm not thirsty either..."**

**"You made it, you should be the one to taste it." **

**Sima Zhao stares at the cup and very slowly brings the cup up to his mouth and takes a very slow sip. He then takes another sip and another sip to eventually drink the whole cup.**

**"How is it?"**

**"It doesn't taste as bad as you think it would..."**

**"Oh really? Do you guys have taste buds?"**

**"Why yes! You can look at my tongue-"**

**"No thank you. The rest of the people are not here and I'm waiting for Mr. Takasugi to get the other people back to answer this mailbox's stuff."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi was looking at his phone as he walked through the mall with Lu Bu and Sima Yi and the two, respectively, were holding a still unconscious Mitsuhide and a box with Gracia's voice coming from it.<strong>

**"Man, Mitsuhide is really out. I didn't know Sima Yi could give a punch like that..." Takasugi snickers and says,"I think he has that ring on his hand to thank. Rings hurt more when you combine them with a punch. Trust me. I pissed off a married man and it... hehehehe... messed up my cornea..."**

**"Are you sure you're not talking about Sima Yi right now?"**

**"No, no, it was a totally different married guy. That is in this world and human. And not in a video game land. But yeah, at least we know Sima Yi doesn't hit like a girl."**

**"You assumed I did?" **

**"Well no, I've seen footage of you hitting Sima Zhao and getting hit by Zhang Chunhua. I couldn't tell if you're too weak, Sima Zhao's too sensitive, or Zhang Chunhua being a little on the over powered side. I should suggest to the programmers to nerf her."**

**"That sounds... a bit sexual..."**

**"You think everything's sexual!"**

**"Because your generation's words sound weird to me!"**

**"You're an Ancient Chinese man in his forties with an American accent! Don't you give me that! Though I'm one to talk... I'm a Japanese man with a an American accent. I can't even pronounce words with L's wrong anymore..."**

**"What's an American?"**

**"I know right? Life's greatest mysteries. Those guys like putting meat in their ice cream. And that's coming from someone living in a country that has charcoal as an ice cream flavor." The phone beeps loudly and the group finds themselves standing in front of a women's underwear store. The two behind Takasugi had a little red in their cheeks.**

**"Your people like to just show a large picture of a scantily-clad woman..."**

**"In frilly underwear..."**

**"The both of you should talk. I mean, both of your lovers walk around in scraps considered clothing..." Loud yelling was heard and Magoichi Saika was seen thrown out of the underwear store. Gracia hops out of Sima Yi's hands and was hopping around the lying body of Magoichi.**

**"I found Mago!"**

**"Nrrrghh... I am so confused on what women do here..."**

**"Only one ping was found here. Oh well. Get into the controller." Magoichi quickly gets up and says to him,"No way! That thing is cramped as hell! And why is this box sounding like Gracia?" **

**"Sima Yi turned her into a box." **

**"What? That's pretty cruel. I mean that box looks very uncomfortable."**

**"She's still moving like nothing happened, so it's fine." said Sima Yi. "Besides, I'm waiting for Zho-Mitsuhide to wake up before I'm giving her human form back."**

**"Hmm... I'll just use the controller to suck up Mitsuhide if he's not waking up. Sima Yi, turn Gracia back so she can hop in there too."**

**"Fine." Sima Yi zaps the box and it turns back into Garcia. Takasugi then has Mitsuhide and Gracia get into the controller.**

**"Well, if Magoichi doesn't want to get in, he might as well help us. What do you know of any DW or SW characters that are in here?"**

**"Ahhhhh... Let me remember... Oh yes. I remember all of those beautiful ladies went in groups to check out this world's fashion stuff and what not... Except Yue Ying. She went over to this place with books and... stuff..."**

**"Can you lead us to her or any of the women mentioned?"**

**"I need more eyes then these two here... I mean... hehehehe... Ahhh... I'd hate for their beloveds to get jealous over them chasing after other women..."**

**"Want Guo Jia with you?"**

**"No. He'll just get in the way! Besides, women love a man with a gun. What does he have? A stick and flying balls."**

**"Okay, him it is. Sima Yi, goodbye." **

**"Wait, why are you switching me for-Oh no..."**

**"I'm sorry, but he's more fun."**

**"Good luck in getting him to do what you want." Takasugi has the controller suck him up and it spits out Sima Shi.**

**"No! Does this go randomly?" **

**"Ugh... where am I?" **

**Takasugi quickly has him get sucked up into the controller and the controller spits out Sima Zhao. **

**"Nope." He presses again and Sima Zhao gets switched out for Zhang Chunhua. Magoichi then has his eyes get swapped out for hearts and goes up to her.**

**"Ohhhhh heeeeeellloooo! Who's this lovely flower? What's your name? Would you like to have dinner with me?" **

**"Um... Who is this? Did Xu Shu finally get self-esteem?"**

**"Haha, Xu Shu wishes he got self-esteem. Sorry, Magoichi, she was just leaving. Chihua-No! Why does my tongue do this?! Anyway, can you throw Guo Jia out here when I have this suck you back in?"**

**"You were about to call me one of those tiny dogs again..."**

**"My tongue can't grasp your name right! Like Sun Shang-blah-Come on!"**

**"Wait, I don't want Blonde Emo! Can I get to know her at least?" complained Magoichi.**

**"She's married."**

**"Damn it! Why are all the pretty ones married or have really overprotective fathers and the young ones stuck with me?" **

**"Life's cruel." Takasugi activates the controller and Zhang Chunhua disappears into it. The controller then spits out Guo Jia.**

**"Ow! This ground is so soft... Huh?" Guo Jia looks up and makes eye contact with Magoichi. He quickly stands up and happily greets him.**

**"Oh hello, my fellow women-lover. It's been a long time."**

**"Yes, indeed."**

**"Okay, we got our little reunion done, now let's find those women that are scattered all over this mall."**

**"Oh, I get it... You need me and Magoichi here to sniff those ladies out for you."**

**"When you say "sniff" it sounds wrong in the wrong context. But we don't have time for that. You can easily identify most of the women in both of you two's lives, so it will be easy for me."**

**A half an hour later, Takasugi and Lu Bu were sitting on a simple bench waiting.**

**"Are you sure you can actually trust those two to do what you say?"**

**"Lookie here, the great Lu Bu is questioning my judgement with such eloquent words."**

**"I'm not just some brute that speaks simply!"**

**"You give off that vibe for me and the audience in general."**

**"If Diao Chan and Lingqi are here, I hope those two slimeballs won't use their tricks on them..."**

**"What about Chen Gong?"**

**"Who?"**

**"Get away, creeps!" The sound of women yelling out was getting closer to the two and it showed a small mix of DW and SW women running from Magoichi and Guo Jia.**

**"Wait! We're not trying anything this time!"**

**"You are needed back... home...?"  
><strong>

**"Don't listen to their tricks!"**

**"It's not a trick!" Magocihi quickly whispers under his breath,"Sort of..." The two get stopped by mall security and they are cuffed as the women give them glares.**

**"You two are under arrest. You two will be detained in mall jail until we get the authorities out here." The mall police then drag Magochi and Guo Jia away from the area. Takasugi hits his face with his palm.**

**"Ohhhhh greeeeat..."**

**"Told you."**

**"You're getting a time-out!" Takasugi angrily presses the controller and Lu Bu disappears into it. **

**"I want someone who won't "told you so" me." The controller has Sima Shi appear next to Takasugi.**

**"Discount Sima Yi. Sure, maybe his insults might hurt less than Sima Yi's. Don't run away."**

**"That's Xun Yu."**

**"Fine, I'll call you Sima Yi's botched clone then. All those women are in one place now thanks to the two perverts." Takasugi takes out the controller and has it suck in the group of women that were only a few feet away from them. He then turns to the direction where Magoichi and Guo Jia were taken away and they get sucked into the controller. Yelling is heard.**

**"Hey! Where did they go?!"**

**"Search the area! They cannot get far!" Takasugi speaks to the controller,"I'm sorry, you two, but I can no longer let you help me anymore. If you can hear me." **

* * *

><p><strong>Suzaku was sorting the letters and takes two out.<strong>

**"There two are about Dong Zhuo. But he is taking a little vacation in North Korea, so we'll have to make do." He gets up and walks off. After a while, he drags a obese mannequin onto the stage and attaches many Dong Zhuo features onto it. He then takes out a sledgehammer and begins to bash it into smithereens. He stops and tosses the sledgehammer away.**

**"There you go. He's dead. Goddamn, I don't get paid enough for this bull*bleep*."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi walks with Sima Shi as he was shaking the controller. <strong>

**"I need another set of eyes that won't cause trouble here." He swipes up and Cao Cao appears in front of him.**

**"What? Where? Why am I here?"**

**"Aside from a couple more people, you are somewhat reliable when not distracted."**

**"You could have called for Yuanji or my mother if you wanted reliable." said Sima Shi.**

**"I don't want to be attracting attention. Hello? Your mom and sister-in-law's boobs are huge and that will make all of the teenage boys here have stiffies in their skinny jeans." **

**"Then I will make them stop watching."**

**"It doesn't work that way!" **

**"What am I supposed to do?" asked Cao Cao.**

**"Just keep an eye out for the people you know. You're one of the old characters, so it shouldn't be hard. Now let's go."**

**They walk along the busy crowds in the mall and follow the loud pings made by the phone in Takasugi's hand. They stand in front of a bookstore.**

**"I'm only getting one ping here." They enter the store and find themselves surrounded by shelves of books. **

**"I'll let you guys go off to find this ping. You guys never changed out of your clothes, so just find a guy or lady with weird cosplay clothing."**

**"Sure..." Sima Shi and Cao Cao walk away from Takasugi and you can hear their conversation.**

**"So, want to take off when he forgets about us?"**

**"Why would I want to go with you...?" Takasugi walks in the other direction to walk through shelves books until he sees Yue Ying reading. He sneaks up near her and tackles her.**

**"AH!"**

**"Got you! Don't move!"**

**"A simple "excuse me" would have suffice!"**

**"I thought you were going to run away like some people I had to deal with before, so I'm taking precautions!"**

**"You're touching my breast."**

**"And they're not as flat as Zhen Ji says they were. She needs glasses because these babies are at least a B or a C-GAH!" He gets a punch to the face. He rolls on the ground holding his face. **

**"Ow, ow, ow... Can you tell me where your Shu buddies went to...?"**

**"I don't know. Zhuge Liang got dragged off by Liu Bei, much to his dismay..." **

**"Okay, follow me."**

**"But I want to know if-"**

**"Spoiler alert: She dies." He gets hit in the head with the book Yue Ying was reading earlier.**

**"Fine. You already killed it, so I will follow along." **

**"I have to find Cao Cao and Sima Shi since I let them go off here." They walk around for a while and see Cao Cao and Sima Shi standing and reading dirty magazines. Takasugi slaps the books out of their hands.**

**"Let's go."**

**"Look at this." Cao Cao hands Takasugi a magazine.**

**"Ooh, is this a new one?" He starts to get distracted and begins to read that. The two then continued to read the pornagraphy next to each other and they all receive a hit to the head by Yue ying.**

**"Ow!"**

**"Didn't you come here for a reason?!"**

**"Yeah! To pick up every DW and SW character I let loose out here! But... Fine..." He throws the magazine onto the shelf and drags Cao Cao and Sima Shi out of the bookstore.**

**Takasugi along with his new group walk out of the mall.**

**"Okay! I got everyone in there. Now let's go to another place." As he approach his car, he hears mumbling that was almost right next to him. He turns to see Izuru moving around with his phone above his head.**

**"Thirty minutes ago it pinged, now the ping stops... Someone got there before me." He stops to see the group that was a few feet away from him. "...Oh. That explains it." Takasugi comments,"We need a system. You just wasted an hour of your life searching for nothing. Want a ride?"**

**"No thanks. That thing is going to come apart."**

**"How would you know? Look at it, it's in good shape!"**

**"Where did you get it?"**

**"Ebay." Over to where the car was parked, its tires fall off the axis and doors begin to hang on one hinge. The hood pops upwards to have the engine shoot upwards to land onto another car's roof. Loud honking noises fill the lot. Takasugi laughs sheepishly and was sweating. **

**"Umm... You wouldn't mind if the four of us squeezed into your car...? Mine's is uh... Not working right..."**


	5. Deja vu

**Everyone was in Izuru's car and he was driving. Loud pinging was emitting from each other's phones. Takasugi looks at his own and sees dots scattered on a radar.**

**"Well, this isn't helping. Too bad we never gave labels to the chips that are implanted within the characters. We will always be greeted with a surprise when we follow one of these dots." One dot was really close to the center of the screen and the beeping gets louder.**

**"One is somewhere on the right of here. Just park somewhere of there and I'll go and quickly drag him or her out of here."**

**"Fine, fine." The car stops near a sidewalk and Takasugi was about to get out until he stops to look to see someone in a store window.**

**"Is that...?" Yue Ying leans forward and sees the person and recognizes him.**

**"That's Fa Zheng..."**

**"Are you sure? It's probably just a lazy pirate cosplay. That just happened to be green. And has good hair. With that spider-web necklace-Okay, that's him."**

**"He looks like he is talking to a roll of fur..."**

**"Come on, really? It's probably blocking your vision of what's really happening."**

**"I'll follow you to confirm it's Fa Zheng."**

**The two enter the store to see Fa Zheng talking to a rolled up carpet with sunglasses and a cutout paper set of lips taped onto it.**

**"I know, I know, this is so sudden... But I think we're meant to be... Shhhh... She won't know... I use her to hit other people, so she won't able to notice..." Takasugi whispers to Yue Ying,"Go back to the car. I don't think you want to see your coworker like this..."**

**"Actually, I do. I have something to hold over his head now. And... hehehehahahaha...! Look at him! Hahahaha! Wait until everyone hears about this!"**

**"Hmm... I shouldn't... Naaaaahhhh..."**

**Takasugi slowly holds up his phone with the camera facing towards Fa Zheng and the rolled up carpet. Fa Zheng stops talking and turns to see the two. They look at each other with widen eyes and Fa Zheng pushes the carpet away from him.**

**"Ah! When did you two get here?!"**

**"Oh, nothing... We just heard you flirt with a carpet... buuuuut... We had seen more weird things today...Come on." He holds out the controller and Fa Zheng gets sucked into it. His voice is heard.**

**"You won't tell anyone about that, right...?"**

**"Umm... Yue Ying saw you and well... she's having a field day with that... Soooo... Yeah..."**

**"Damn it."**

* * *

><p><strong>Suzaku digs into the mailbox and pulls out a letter.<strong>

**"Okay, for Xu Shu... Where is he?" A hand pops up from over in a corner of the auditorium.**

**"Here."**

**"Okay, this says to get self-esteem or get killed by Lu Bu."**

**"But... You can't just "get" self-esteem..."**

**"Who said you can talk back?" replied Suzaku with a sort-of stern voice.**

**"Naaggh!" Xu Shu hides behind the seats.**

**"Wow, this is actually sadder than I thought... Looks like you can't buy self-esteem for Xu Shu. Oh well, Lu Bu, K.O. him. It's part of the letter." Lu Bu casually walks up to Xu Shu and gives him a tap in the head. Xu Shu yells out and falls down. His body blinks and disappears.**

**"That was easy."**

* * *

><p><strong>BING, BING, BING.<strong>

**"Whoa. Look at that. There is a HUGE group in the left here." Izuru coughs and says nervously,"To the left here is a... uhh... gentlemen's club..."**

**"How would you know?"**

**"It's there! People pretend it doesn't exist, but it's there! And we're in Japan. Under all of the crazy inventions, otaku culture, and obsession with octopuses, there is the red light district."**

**"Oh right... Japan... The country with the tentacle porn and 5 year-old girls porn. Ahhhh... I shouldn't tell any of the SW characters or all of them will lose their sense of patriotism. Anyhow, we're going to see naked ladies." Cao Cao lights up and quickly asks Takasugi,"Can I follow you then? I want to help and... yeah... Help..."**

**"Sure. Help." He was doing air quotes the moment he said "help".**

**"I'm not going to get involved. Please send me back." said Yue Ying. "You can switch me for Zhen Ji and let her be with her kind of people."**

**"Ohhhh! Buuurn! I wish she was here to hear you say thaaaaat! But I didn't get her yeeeeeet! Wait, did I...? No, I didn't. The group of women I grabbed at the mall was... Guan Yinping, Bao Sanniang, Da Qiao, Xiao Qiao, and Nene. More like girls if you ask me... Why was Magoichi chasing after them...?" The controller in his hand yells out with Magoichi's voice,"I wasn't! I thought within the group was a woman that was had woman features!"**

**"Well, there wasn't. Except Yue Ying. I remember you had the hots for her back when nostalgia didn't exist."**

**"Well... I... She was pretty, I can say that. My standards weren't that high since I'm stuck with little girls most of the time..." Yue Ying glares at the talking controller.**

**"What's that supposed to mean?"**

**"It's not that you're not beautiful... It's... well... I like a woman that is-" Takasugi interrupts,"Um, I suggest shutting up before Yue Ying takes this and throws it out the window..."**

**"I'm not. Let him finish." The controller continues,****"I like a woman that is womanly. As much I'd love an intelligent gal, I'm just not in that mood these days. You get me?"**

**"What exactly are you in the mood for anyway?"**

**"I don't know... Like that really pretty lady Black Eyes-san made come out of here..."**

**"I told you already, she's married."**

**"I'm just giving an example. But seriously, who is the lucky man that has her?"**

**"...Koff... You'll be pretty surprised..." **

**"Just tell me."**

**"Remember Sima Zhao?"**

**"Yeah. He's the son of Sima Yi."**

**"And you know how he got him, right...?"**

**"I don't think he was married back then-WAIT. Are you saying...?"**

**"Yes."**

**"I thought he was-"**

**"If Sima Yi heard you right now, he'll take this controller and throw it out of the window." Another voice was heard within the controller.**

**"I already did. But I guess I can't throw myself out of the window, no?" **

**"Ah! Get me out of here!"**

**"I'm not going to do anything." Takasugi then holds out the controller to have Yue Ying disappear into the controller. Loud hitting noises are heard within the controller and Sima Yi appears in place of her. **

**"What the-? I didn't ask for you."**

**"When you took Yue Ying in, I saw she was angry, so I used her to propel myself out here."**

**"That did not make sense."**

**"I didn't want to be within the area when Yue Ying is mad."**

**"Uh-huh..."**

**At the strip club, the doors open to have the group enter. The phone beeps loudly and rapidly. **

**"I guess you guys figured out this century loves to exploit women to the point it causes outrage on Tumblr." Sima Yi plugs his ears to the blaring music playing in the background.**

**"Gah! I suppose your generation likes to be deaf, I see..."**

**"What? My pants want to be dead Icee?"**

**"Your generation likes to be deaf!"**

**"You want to lick death?"**

**"YOUR GENERATION LIKES BEING DEAF!"**

**"My gas station likes Taft?" **

**"NO! Forget it! I see the music is already taking effect on your ears!"**

**"You eat public feces talking to Ben Affleck and Jesus's ear?" Sima Yi kicks him in the shin and Takasugi hops up in pain. "Ow! Godzilla's balls that hurt!" Cao Cao was staring with a drooling expression a framed picture of a woman almost naked. He turns to look at the inside and wanders into there. Takasugi then notices and goes after him, leaving Sima Shi, Sima Yi, and Izuru at the entrance. Izuru turns to the two,"Are you two interested? IF not, I can just switch you two for..." Sima Yi quickly says with a nervous expression,"I am not exactly in a hurry to go back... But I'd like to... uhh... Do research."**

**"Just admit you're just as curious as Cao Cao over there."**

**"I-I'm not! It's just..." His face turns a light red. Sima Shi looks at him and yells out,"How could you do this to Mother?! Especially when she's here for about... I lost track on how long she was introduced..."**

**"Why are you here, Shi? Huh? Don't you judge me if you have the exact idea on what to do here."**

**"I'm not married..."**

**"You two can have some father-son bonding. Aside from going hunting or drinking, this is the third most favorite activity for fathers and sons to bond over."**

**"But... It's awkward..."**

**"Argh, just go in and at least pull out your fellow DW characters!" Izuru pushes the two towards the inner entrance of the strip club.**

**Takasugi sits down at a bar table while scanning the area. He slightly gets distracted with the women that get into his view.**

**"When I look at these women, they remind me of either Lian Shi, Diao Chan, or Zhen Ji..." His eyes move around the area for a moment until his eyes then snap to a certain table that contained a lot of men in red. **

**"Oh, when I see that much red in one place, it's either me getting stabbed in the eye with a pencil, it's Lunar New Year, or it's the Wu kingdom in one place." He gets out from that seat and casually takes a seat within that area with Wu characters. Sun Quan is seen snoring and hiccuping in the chair right next to him. **

**"I don't wanna go to space..." He mumbled drunkenly.**

**The rest of the characters sitting around them were Sun Jian, Sun Ce, Zhou Yu, Taishi Ci, Lu Su, Lu Meng, Zhou Tai and Ling Tong. Takasugi then says out loud,"So, enjoying yourselves? Hate to burst all of your bubbles, but you're coming with me." The group couldn't hear him over the loud music, so Takasugi gets up to yell into Sun Ce's ear.**

**"Hate to ruin your fun, but you're coming with me!"**

**"What? You want to create a unattractive son with meat?"**

**"Hate to burst your bubble, but you're coming with me!"**

**"Mate with a ball-buster butt thing?"**

**"STOP LOOKING AT NAKED LADIES AND COME WITH ME!"**

**"Bop cookies while smacking other cookies?"**

**"Damn it, why do strip clubs have the volume all the way up..."**

**"You want to strap cubs at Zhou Yu's house?'**

**"No!"**

**"Why do we need to go right away? Sure, the music is s*bleep*, but that matters is the content! Look over there, my father's enjoying himself."**

**"I don't want to look..."**

**"You want to cook?"**

**"If you could hear me before, you can hear me now!"**

**"Sorry, it was fun making those silly sentences.****"**

**"Aren't you and Zhou Yu worried about you know... Those two...?" Zhou Yu turns to him and asks,"What two?"**

**"You know who I'm talking about! Zhu Ran and Lu Xun, obviously! They can't survive here!"**

**"Ah, those two walking torches can go burn in Hell. Wait... that's a contradiction..." **

**"Also, what about Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao?"**

**"Who are they again? All I see is this really flexible woman in almost nothing..."**

**"Do you have any respect for yourself...?"**

**"I've lost all respect for myself ever since they gave that little girl as my 'wife'. Actually, I've lost all respect for those people in Koei." Zhou Yu then turns to point at several of the Wu characters while yelling,"You lost all my respect! You lost all my respect! All of you lost my respect!" Zhou Tai says in a deadpan voice,"I smell alcohol on his breath." Zhou Yu takes a deep breath and falls down on a table, knocking it down along with him. **

**"Well, that didn't go well..."**

**"I don't blame him. Up until DW3, DW4, and DW5, he was everything every man wanted to be. Now he's just used for yaoi doujins and fanfictions. Poor him."**

* * *

><p><strong>The controller in Suzaku's hand has the loud music from the strip club emitting from it. Voices are heard.<strong>

**"I got him. Sit him next to Quan over there."**

**"He has something sticking out of his stomach."**

**"That's part of a broken bottle! He must have fallen and let the shards stab his abdomen!"**

**"Is he okay...?"**

**"Ah, he will is nothing in the life of a video game character. Just pull out the pieces out. Continue watching this almost naked woman I swear has been dancing the whole forty-five minutes. And enjoy your endless supply of alcohol." Guo Jia runs up to listen to the controller closer.**

**"What is going on in there?! Endless supply of alcohol with a dancing lady?! How come I was never invited?! Let me in there!" Magoichi pushes him away and he yells out,"No way! Let me in there! He has enough screen time!" Suzaku moves his controller away from the two and talks through it.**

**"What is going on over there?"**

**"Nothing! Just finding the characters in this strip club!"**

**"Are you sure you're not going in for yourself...?"**

**"No, no, no! There are a large group of the characters here! I mean, I see Sun Jian getting butt in his face, Cao Cao getting kicked out for touching the girls, and Sima Yi having some bonding time with his son over scantily-clad women!" Sima Zhao whines,"No fair! Why does Shi get to go? And don't say it's because he's older!"**

**"He's older." said Sima Yi straight from the controller.**

**"Damn it!****" Magoichi shakes Suzaku back and forth while grabbing his collar. **

** "This may be the only time I ask to be sucked up into that thing! I want to see this century's women!"**

**"Ow, ow, ow! My shirt! You're going to rip it! Fine!" Suzaku pushes on the controller and Magoichi disappears. Guo Jia at the same time jumped right in front of him and gets sucked into the controller along with him. **

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi walks across the club and someone bumps into him to accidentally press the controller to release Magoichi and Guo Jia out. <strong>

**"What the-?"**

**"Hello."**

**"Get back in here!"**

**"Not yet! Can I take some time here...? Please...?"**

**"...Fine. I let the Wu guys stay, I guess I have to be fair...45 minutes and you're done."**

**"Okay!" The two quickly walk off to meet with random women and take many glasses of alcohol. Takasugi turns to walk off to find another table with familiar faces in it. This time, it was a large group of SW men which were Yukimra Sanada, Kenji Maeda, Goemon Ishikawa, Masamune Date, Sakon Shima, Kanetsugu Naoe, and Hideyoshi Toyotomi. They all were drinking and whistling at the dancing women and when they saw Takasugi, their eyes widen and froze. **

**"Wow, I should have never trusted any of you to get back the DW characters..." Kenji yells out,"It was all Hideyoshi's idea!" Hideyoshi stammers and quickly says,"No, it wasn't! It was Masamune's idea! Teenagers are always the most perverted ones, you know!" Masamune angrily yells at him,"What?! Out of all of us, you're the most perverted! It was Hideyoshi's idea, obviously, to come here!" **

**"Don't listen to him! Okay, it was Yukimura's idea!" Everyone at the table agreed and mumbled affirmatively. **

**"Yes, it was Yukimura."**

**"Totally Yukimura." Yukimura angrily faces the group and says in a unhappy tone,"You assholes... It wasn't my idea! It was Hideyoshi's! He doesn't want to admit it! He has everyone here around his little finger with unlimited drinks!" **

**"You know, I'm not exactly mad... But I'm certainly pissed you guys betrayed my trust. Also, I didn't know this place accepted gold..."**

**"That still means you're mad!"**

**"Whatever. Where is your brother?"**

**"I... left him behind... He was actually doing the job, and I took the chance to walk off..."**

**"I'm disappointed in you. I expected better from you since you're poster boy." He turns to face the rest of the SW men. "And all of you except Kenji, Goemon, and Hideyoshi. I expected them to do this. Masamune, where's Kojuro? I expect him to be sitting next to you."**

**"I... left him behind..."**

**"Leave the hard-working characters behind..."**

**"****Ah, he's fine. H****e wears glasses. Glasses people can be left alone." **

**"Fine, I'll let it slide. What the heck are you two doing here, Kanetsugu? Aren't you two the more... you know... Honorable guy around here." **

**"I don't wear that "love" helmet for nothing, if you catch my drift... Heh heh..." **

**"...Okay... Alright, you guys had your fun-"**

**"Forty-five minutes!" They all yell out and Takasugi sighs loudly. **

**"I'm too nice for my own good... Fine... Might as well enjoy myself before heading out. Where the heck is Izuru?" He turns to see Izuru sitting at a table with Sima Yi and Sima Shi drinking several glasses of unknown liquid. **

**"No!" He runs up and slaps the drink out of his hand. "The straight man has to be sober!"**

**"Why don't YOU do that job? I want to get rid of some stress with from of this weirdly lemony drink." Takasugi then spouts random Japanese words and falls on the ground like if he were fainting.**

**"No way... I have to do it...?" He gets up quickly. "Fine, I'll let you do what you want, but the moment we walk out of here, you will revert back to your own duties! I will even let you call me 'senpai'!"**

**"You're to old to be a senpai-"**

**"I'm only 27, dickface!"**

**"Anyway, I don't want to say that. You only find that in crappy shojo mangas and yaoi. Who says that outside of those?"**

**"Really polite Japanese people and weeaboos."**

**"Nevermind that. Has forty-five minutes past yet?"**

**"Only about five minutes past."**

**"Well, bye. I'll be picking up 1,000 yen's *about eight fifty in American dollars* worth of lemony stuff you just made me spill." Takasugi throws paper bills on the table.**

**"There. You won't be sucking the floor for something you can get from a kid's lemonade stand."**

* * *

><p><strong>Back at the auditorium, Suzaku bangs his head against the controller in his hand.<strong>

**"Why wasn't I invited?! I should deserve to be treated once in a while! While they're over there sucking up 500,000 yen's *about 4200-something dollars* worth of drinks and women's cats, I'm stuck with these pixelated people! Covered in textures and code and... stuff... The mailbox is empty and I don't know what to do with the people sitting in the chairs..." He takes out a 3DS and begins to play with it. **

**"Which should I choose...? Treeko, Torchic, or Mudkip...?"**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi walks over to the SW group and says out,"Time's up."<strong>

**"Awwww."**

**"Get in." Takasugi presses the controller's button and they all get sucked in. He turns and faces the table with the Wu characters and sees that they've all passed out from drinking a lot. **

**"Right, they have no livers. Alright..." He has them all enter the controller. Then, he walks to the table with Sima Yi, Sima Shi, and Izuru. The first two were red in the cheeks and were also looking green.**

**"My stomach..."**

**"I feel all of my seriousness slipping away..."**

**"Okay, you two go back in." The controller activates and they disappear into the controller. ****"Where is Cao Cao?" **

**"He was kicked out, remember?"**

**"I doubt that will stop him..." **

**"You're ri****ght. He snuck in ****and next thing I know, I see with Guo Jia partying like it's the second century."**

**"Where?"**

**"The private rooms...?"**

**"Well, I can't go in there." Cao Cao pops out from behind the curtains in the back of the building. **

**"I love this place!" He walks out and yells out,"It's time for a sexy party!" He runs with a trail of women following him and they run all over the place playfully giggling. **

**"...It's more like sexy tag..." He turns around to see Guo Jia and Magoichi wobbling out to him.**

**"Okaaaay... We're done... We're done..."  
><strong>

**"Too bad I can't leave with one of them-Ack!" The two get run down by the "sexy party". Takasugi quickly has the controller take in the two along with Cao Cao.**

**"Whoo! That's that! Let's get outa here."**

**"What about the... you know... the bill?"**

**"What bill?" **

**"Ahem!" Takasugi turns to see a man holding a long piece of paper that reaches down to their feet.**

**"You take gold coins? I have a s*bleep* ton of that."**

**"...Sir, just pay the bill."**

**"Here!" Takasugi takes out his wallet and he has it spill out gold coins.**

**"Are you sure that isn't just chocolate coins you get from you grandma...?"**

**"It is gold!" He mumbles away from the manager,"Pixelated gold..." The manager picks up a coin and bites it.**

**"Hm! Well, I'm sorry to bother you. Your bill is paid." Takasugi then quickly walks to the exit and runs to the car. He pulls on the handle and it doesn't open.**

**"You're forgetting I hold the keys." said Izuru as he walks out of the strip club.**

**"Your car is that hunk of junk from Ebay."**

**"It said 'good condition'!"**

**"Annnnnd you trusted that?"**

**"Damn, they swindled me!"**

**"I don't think you get the point here..."**


	6. It's open

**Takasugi happily yells out as he was sitting in the front set of Izuru's car.**

**"Got it! I won the bid! And that thing's only a few blocks from here!"**

**"Won what?"**

**"A car."**

**"Oh no..."**

**"****Hey, I even payed for a warranty this time. Just in case the engine decides to launch itself into the air again, I will be insured. Just take a few turns from here and I'll pick it up and I'll be out of your hair. I'll give you a Warrior buddy to help you out with search for the others. Want Yukimura, Masamune, or someone in DW?"**

**"Which one is the most helpful?"**

**"Well, those guys are not here, aren't they? ****I suppose I'll have Masamune with Sima Yi to help me out."**

**"You're doing this on purpose, huh?"**

**"Come on, you have to admit the two of them are hilarious when around each other."**

**"Well, sure, but are you sure they will actually be helpful?"**

**"What can go wrong?"**

**"One of them throwing the other into traffic. The other shooting the other in the face..."**

**"Oh, don't you worry. Just go about your normal life as you try to find the DW and SW guys and gals." Takasugi takes out the controller and Masamune and Sima Yi appear at the back lying with red in their cheeks.**

**"Oh, they're still drunk. Oh well, find my car."**

**"I hope we don't get murdered by the seller..." Izuru mumbled tohimself.**

* * *

><p><strong>The car door pops open and the two drunk men fell out with Takasugi dragging them out away from the car's tires.<strong>

**"I don't want to carry them. I'll just hack them into being sober." He takes out his phone and is typing into it so that Sima Yi and Masamune quickly stood up and were no longer red in the cheeks.**

**"Huh. It worked. Hey, I-" He turns to see the car was already gone. "Rude."**

* * *

><p><strong>Suzaku opens the mailbox's lid and he takes out two papers. <strong>

**"Okay... Lu Bu, here you go." He hands Lu Bu one letter and Suzaku sighs deeply when he was holding the other letter.**

**"He's out." Lu Bu asks him,"What is a Gatling gun?"**

**"It's like Guo Huai's giant cannon except it fires faster."**

**"What about this tank?"**

**"It's like this giant machine armed with all the cannons and missiles it could possibly carry."**

**"I want a tan then. Where can I get one?"**

**"You guys have juggarnauts. Those are tanks. Sort of."**

**"I'll just have Chen Gong try to fit many of those cannons onto one. That will be awesome."**

**"He's not here though... He's out there..."**

**"That little bastard thinks he can run away from his work!"**

**"Don't worry, I've got the solution."**

**"A fake non-moving Chen Gong is useless!"**

**"Aw, I wanted to use that mannequin though..."**

**"This part says Sima Yi has to slap women. He's not here."**

**"I know... I'll call for Takasugi and see if he can get Sima Yi's response out here."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi gets his phone when it was ringing. "Hello?"<strong>

**"Two of these questions in here require Sima Yi."**

**"Give me a minute." Takasugi taps Sima Yi on the head and hold up the controller. "Oy, you got some mail."**

**"I don't want to. I'm getting sick of mail."**

**"Answer them." He forces the controller into Sima Yi's face and he pushes his hand.**

**"Okay, okay!"**

* * *

><p><strong>The controller in Suzaku's hand has Sima Yi's voice coming out of it.<strong>

**"What does the mail say?"**

**"Well, this says for you to slap the women here and be a total dick about it."**

**"I don't hit women unless they are really annoying me in some way or if I have to. Besides, I'm all the way over here."**

**"Fine. How about this one? Do you actually love your spouse or is it that Koei... took pity on you...? What the...?"**

**"I swear I've answered this before..."**

**"Well, answer it again."**

**"Why do you people question my feelings at all? Why don't you turn to someone else for a change? Huh?! Huh?!"**

**"It's because... Let's face it... The word 'love' and you don't go together."**

**"Well, if people are THAT curious on my romantic feelings... then I won't tell them! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

**"You do realize this conversation is being heard by everyone in this auditorium?"**

**"I'm not saying anymore."**

**"You can even give a half-assed answer."**

**"What do you think?"**

**"I think you just like Zhang Chunhua for her chest."**

**"That's not even close..."**

**"Then what is it?!" The controller has Takasugi's voice come through it. "Fun fact: She is designed after one of the designer's favorite exotic dancer." *No, she wasn't. This is just for humorous reasons.* **

**"Well, explains the hooker dress..." **

**"You know she just heard you say that... This conversation is being listened to, right?" **

**"Ah, who cares? She doesn't wear the hooker make-up, so it's-Wait. Do the women here wear make-up?"**

**"I don't know." **

**"Huh." Suzaku takes out a cloth and goes up to Zhang Chunhua. "Are you wearing make-up?"**

**"No-"**

**"Lies!" He takes the cloth and attempts to wipe her face. **

**"Ow! Ow! Stop!" Suzaku backs away to look at the cloth to see what looks like make-up to him. **

**"Ha, I knew it!" The controller in his hand has Sima Yi's voice come out of it,"She really doesn't have any make-up on. What are you doing?" **

**"I have some of it on this cloth here." Takasugi voice is heard,"Um... I think that's something else..." **

**"What?" Suzaku looks up to see one of Zhang Chunhua's cheeks were gone. "Ah! What the heck?! It's like some void there!"**

**"You just wiped off her texture, you idiot!" yelled the controller in Takasugi's voice.**

**"Why it came off so easily then?!"**

**"You must have rubbed really hard then!"**

**"Can I put it back...?"**

**"Sure, just jam the cloth into the space and-No! Luckily, they just come back. Do nothing and the pixels will regenerate back onto her face."**

**"Oh. Can I throw this cloth away...?"**

**"Yeah, those are dead pixels."**

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi puts away the controller and Sima Yi turns away to snicker,"Guess I don't have to actually answer that-"<strong>

**"You got lucky Suzaku decided to rub off your wife's face-That sounded wrong. Let me rephrase that. Suzaku wiped off her skin color and that space is just black void. Now you don't have to answer that. because I will answer for you."**

**"Wait, what?"**

**"Come on, we didn't take pity on you. It was for those incest fics of you and your sons to f*bleep*ing stop! Okay, they still exist, but at least we gave you someone that shows there is someone in that world that would bang you. Som****eone that will actually get into bed with you. And bang you."**

**"Why are you saying it like that?"**

**"Then again, Zhang Chunhua is a person I get juicy information about you... Like private things you would hit me for even thinking about."**

**"Wait, she tells you about me?!"**

**"Not really. All she has ever told me was that when you were younger, you had a pet. She didn't even tell me what it was! Zhen Ji is better at gossiping then her!"**

**"..."**

**"Oy! Are you two going to just ignore me?! Hello?!" yelled out Masamune behind them. **

**"Oh, right! Sorry, we were having-"**

**"I can hear just fine, thank you. Sima Yi had a pet bat or something." **

**"Well, no. I guess you didn't hear right."**

**"Anyway, I saw Mitsunari with Cow Pee-"**

**"Cao Pi."**

**"Sorry, it's been a while since I said his name."**

**"Of course. Where were they and why the hell didn't you say anything?"**

**"Well, you two were talking about whether or not someone wore make-up and I just didn't want to interrupt-I WAS YELLING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU TWO!"**

**"Oh, that was you! I thought it was the cicadas at this time of the year! Hahah, silly me! Now where were they again?"**

**"They walked right past you two."**

**"Say what? Come on! I'll grab the car and we'll move!" Takasugi grabs the two by the collar and runs with them towards a vacant lot that had one car sitting at the middle of it.**

**"Okay, get in!" He throws the two into the seats and he gets in. He takes the keys that were in the glove compartment. *Please don't question how convenient this is.***

**The car speeds along the sidewalk and managed to catch up to Cao Pi and Mitsunari. Next to them are Zhen Ji and Yoshitsugu Otani.**

**"You said them only!" yelled Takasugi to Masamune. **

**"I didn't see them!"**

**"Oh right, you're blind in one eye." He pulls up next to them and honks the horn. The four turn to him. **

**"Come on! We're going back!"**

**"And for what? To humiliate us to beyond our dignity?" responded Cao Pi angrily. **

**"Come on, you barely do anything. Sima Yi's the one that gets that stuff. But in the end, it earned him eighth place in the poll."**

**"He doesn't that eight!"**

**"Are we back at this conversation again? Let's face it. Though I'll admit the fact the yaoi fangirls plaster all of this you and Sima Yi art all the Internet has some part in his popularity..." Sima Yi grabs him by the collar and shakes him. **

**"You can't be serious about that I'm just homo bait!"**

**"Please don't say it like that. It's how Japan makes money. Look at the sport animes that came out. Every guy is a baby-faced teen that is just asking for a senpai to jam their dick up in-"**

**"I don't need to know that..."**

**"I'm just giving you the layout on how Japan's otaku economy works. Until the day we give you aging properties, you're stuck with those things ending up in your mail. Anyway, Cao Pi, you can just wait for next poll. Now get in."**

**"I refuse." **

**"Fine. How about you three? You can leave Cow Piss here."**

**"Mmh hm mmmh." said Yoshitsugu. **

**"What? Speak up."**

**"Mmh mmmh mh."**

**"Okay, but that doesn't tell me much." Mitsunari complains,"What is this? I heard him talk normally a few weeks ago!"**

**"Mmh? Mmmh mh mmmh."**

**"What? Well, I guess I can just leave with Zhen Ji and you."**

**"Mmh mmmh. Mh mmh-MMH!" Zhen Ji hits him on the head with her flute.**

**"Talk normally!"**

**"Mmmh mmh mmh mmmh mh hm."**

**"Okay, how about this?" Zhen Ji slaps him in the face hard enough to cause Yoshitsugu to stumble onto the street and let himself get hit by Takasugi's car.**

**"Mmmh mmmh!" A loud thud is heard and he is lying under the tire of the car. Mitsunari yells in shock,****"Oh my god! You killed Otani! You bastards!" Yoshitsugu gets up and dusts himself off. He begins to talk normally. **

**"Ow... Sorry if I made you angry. I just wanted to be a little humorous for a moment."**

**"There, was it so hard?" said Zhen Ji.**

**"Oh, come now. I thought it was humorous." **

**"Ugh, you remind of Sima Yi if he took the time to cover up his ugly mug." Sima Yi angrily pulls himself towards the window and yells at her,"I can hear you! And what exactly is ugly about my face?!"**

**"You look like a horse."**

**"It isn't prominent! Have you ever seen a horse before?! They have long snouts!"**

**"Which your nose and mouth match with."**

**"I oughta choke you to the next century..."**

**"Wow, even after twelve years, these two still maintain their personalities when arguing..." commented Takasugi. Cao Pi asks casually,"If they can have this, can I have that relationship with-"**

**"Think about it. Zhen Ji and Zhang Chunhua are two very VERY different people. I doubt you would get this kind of argument from her. It's more like an exchange of punches and smart-ass remarks with her."**

**"I can do that."**

**"I doubt it."**

**"Then take me back to that place and I'll try it out!"**

**"...Wow. Okay. Sure." Sima Yi adds,"He is most likely to want to stare at her chest than even speak a few words with her..." **

**"Don't you do that...?"**

**"My eyes drift off."**

**"Uh-huh. Sure." Taksugi gets out the controller and has the four disappear into it. "There. Now we are moving on to-" His phone rings and he picks it up.**

**"Hello...?"**

**"We actually got everyone back! With the power of...common sense." said Suzaku.**

**"What?"**

**"DW and SW characters can easily be retrieved by pushing a button that takes them back to Koei HQ. Going around and grabbing them one by one is stupid."**

**"...Oh. Wow. Okay, I'll be over there..." **

* * *

><p><strong>Takasugi enters the auditorium to see every DW and SW character sitting in the seats. Suzaku is seen sitting on the stage's edge playing with a 3DS. Izuru was sitting on the stage and looked like he was going to sleep.<strong>

**"Well, we can get back to the Q&A segment! And don't you guys think about escaping again because 15,000 volts will go through your pixelated bodies before you can even reach the parking lot."**

**"Uh-huh..." groaned the entire seating area. **

**"Anywho, let's look into the mailbox!"**

**"It's empty."**

**"Really? Well, s*bleep*. The little stunt these guys pulled made this box gain cobwebs. Oh well, more waiting."**

* * *

><p><strong>There you go. It's back up again. The mailbox is open for you guys to torment the DW characters. The SW characters are just on the sidelines.<strong>


	7. Are you sure you still like these?

**The mailbox makes a dinging noise and Takasugi runs over to open its lid. **

**"Ohh, something!" **

Hey Sima Yi do you actually love your wife? Or is she there because Koei took pity on a single dad?  
>Hey Sima Zhao go marry Jia Chong and let your brother have Yuanji he's more suitable for her<p>

Hey Cao Cao did you know there's women you can pay to love you? They are called gold diggers go find one old man

**"That's an old one." said Suzaku.**

**"But did you actually do it?"**

**"...Smaaash?" He holds up the game he was playing trying to hide his guilt. **

**"Oh, I'll forgive you. Sima Yi, just answer that."**

**"I thought I didn't have to do it!" yelled out Sima Yi. **

**"Well, I lied."**

**"Nrrgh... Fine. Sure." **

**"What's 'sure'?"**

**"Sure, I do have romantic feelings for my wife. I mean, if I didn't, I would have done what any sensible man could have done. Divorce. But I didn't. It's common sense. You don't love someone, divorce them/kill them. If you do, don't."**

**"So, it's a yes...?"**

**"Yes. For Nu Wa's sake, I demand to not be getting these questions again."**

**"Alright, alright. Sima Zhao, the next one."**

**"Can you read it out loud? I can't see from here."**

**"It says to marry Jia-"**

**"NO! Please stop giving me that! When did I become Century's Most Gayest when just two years ago, I was pretty much the straightest guy around here?!"**

**"...Ahehehhe... Um... There's no such thing when you're a thing among fangirls... No matter what, you will end up in these guy-on-guy fanfictions. But not in this one. You're safe here, but not anywhere else." He reads the last part to Cao Cao,"Okay, did you know there are women you pay to love you-That's a hooker anyway." Izuru comments to him,"You pay them for sex."**

**"Okay, courtesans. That's a courtesan. You pay them to love-"**

**"Same thing. You pay them for sex with expensive items."**

**"...Fine, gold-digger." Cao Cao complains to him,"There are no other women in there! All of the women are either married or taken or just plain generic!"**

**"I heard your wife-"**

**"Is she- going to here? Yes! I knew it was time to shine! Ha-ha! I can have my own-"**

**"Well, she's a card..." Takasugi takes out a folder and holds out a card having Lady Bian's design on it. Cao Cao's eyes droop in disappointment.**

**"Aw, man... Is she an actual person...?"**

**"Sorry, no. This card is all we have of her."**

**"I hate you people." Cao Cao pouts with crossed arms. **

**"Oh, don't be that way. What else is in the mailbox...?" **

Hey Hideyoshi why don't you tell Nene what you and some of the other characters what you were doing in the Modern era

Have the entire SW cast dance to Dancing Samurai

Have everyone throw pies at Sima Yi again

Oh and here's some tanks for the leaders and Lu Bu  
>-a battalion of tanks crash through the wall-<p>

Oh and bring in the Fist of the North Star Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang and have them fight themselves and have everyone watch or make them fight the entire cast, and have those SR clones equipped with Apoca fist for some more shenanigans

**Hideyoshi stammers and quickly says,"Hey, this is not our segment! After all, we're just sitting looking pretty as the DW guys just do random stuff."**

**"I am not sure you can call yourself pretty..."**

**"Whatever! We're not part of this! Leave all of us out of this!" **

**"Okay, okay. We'll just skip all of the SW related questions. That leaves us with throwing pies at-Oh no... I don't waste more money on the pies... Those don't come cheap when you buy a lot of those-" The walls explode to have tanks come in and Takasugi points at them with a stern finger.**

**"NO! NO! Go back!" The tanks back up, leaving the tank-shaped holes in the auditorium. "Do you know how much cash is costs to fix this?! Argh... Now that I think about it, what to those guys? My Fist of the North star stuff?" Izuru says while being occupied with his 3DS,"North Korea."**

**"DAMN IT! They took everything! Huff... what else is in the mail...?" Takasugi opens the mailbox lid to take out a few papers.**

**"I have one for Masamune and Mitsunari-" The two mentioned made X's with their arms and said,"We're not doing this. We're just on the sidelines."**

**"But I thought-"**

**"That was the other people saying they should do it, not us."**

**"Fine... One for Ling Tong. ... Xu Shu... And Cao Pi... Here's another for Zhang He and Li Dian..." He mutters to himself,"Please not about their sexuality. Please not about their sexuality-Damn it! Well, here ya guys go." Takasugi throws all of the letters to their respective receivers as paper airplanes. Ling Tong moves his letter around and turns it all over.**

**"What? I don't sleep with... that thing..." Gan Ning yells out from behind a few seats,"Hey! I am not some old shoe you can just refer to!"**

**"His face looks like an old shoe..." Ling Tong mumbles to himself. "Of course I hate him for killing my father! What made you think I like him?! this is why we hate doing these segments-OOF!" Takasugi slaps a piece of duct tape over his mouth. **

**"Now, now... STOP COMPLAINING OR I'LL SHOW YOU THOSE YAOI DOUJINS."**

**"MMH! Mmh mmh..." Ling Tong sits quietly in his seat with the duct tape still over his mouth. Xu Shu reads his letter and blushes.**

**"Well... I don't know..."**

**"Yeah, your voice sounds like a dead mouse without autotune."**

**"Wouldn't a dead mouse make no noise...?"**

**"Don't correct me. Besides... We're in written form... It would be just a waste of space for writing out the lyrics..." Izuru says to him,"Didn't we do that last segment?"**

**"That when the Author felt like doing every single detail in everything! Now she's doing... stuff... I don't know what happened to her. She dead? Nah, she's just away from this life." Xu Shu asks,"Do I-"**

**"Sure." Xu Shu clears his throat and Takasugi quickly takes out a remote to press the fast forward button. All you see is Xu Shu singing really fast and Takasugi presses the stop button.**

**"There you go. We did it." Cao Pi angrily crumples his letter and throws it at Takasugi's head. **

**"This is slander! I demand this sender to be beheaded!"**

**"This is the 21st century. It's lethal injection or shooting squad." **

**"I never killed Zhen! Since when?"**

**"The records are very messy when it comes to you... I mean, it's 'you killed this dude' and 'you killed this guy because blah blah'... It's hard to separate the fake from real." **

**"If anything, if I were to one day get bored, I would just visit Sima Yi-"**

**"Gee, thank you for making 600 fangirls continue making yaoi of you two-"**

**"LET ME FINISH! Sima Yi's house to..." His finger discreetly point at Zhang Chunhua. "You know..."**

**"Ahhh... Yeah, no." **

**"Why not? I have seen the things those people wrote about Sima Yi and Zhen, why can't I have this?!"**

**"It's the world of fandoms. Everyone will get paired off with anyone by anyone. And not to mention Zhen Ji and SIma YI being around longer than you..."**

**"Is that why they have the tendency to yell at each other...?"**

**"Hehehehe... Trust me... I have seen all of Zhen Ji's arguments ever since she was introduced and a good fraction of them involve Cao Cao or Sima Yi..."**

**"Then I want that with Sima Yi's wife."**

**"Wha...?"**

**"I want to have that relationship."**

**"Yelling at each other about trivial things...?"**

**"That's what it is...?"**

**"Okay... let me see here... Yeah, I don't recall any argument of Zhen Ji ever being serious. the ones with Yue Ying... The ones with Cao Cao... Oh... Not a single one. And like I said before... Zhang Chunhua and Zhen Ji are two VERY VERY different people..."**

**"Hehehehehe... right... Different..."**

**"Not in boob size, in personality. One acts a bit like a mean cheerleader trope and the other acts like my mom, but has a small childish side if you push the right buttons."**

**"I didn't know your mother had large-"**

**"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOM LIKE THAT! She's dead!" **

**"Oh. Sorry..."**

**"Anyway, go ahead and try it. Let's see how long you two can carry an argument." Sima Yi snickers,"I doubt he can even get her to talk to him..." **

**"Oh yeah? Look!" Cao Pi freezes and the whole auditorium was silent. He sweats and says to Takasugi,"What do I say...?"**

**"Why are you asking me?! Push buttons! Push her! Something!" Zhen Ji yells out,"Do I get a say in this?! My lord, why waste your time on this..." Zhen Ji stares at Zhang Chunhua, thinking of something to say.**

**"...I have nothing to insult her on..."**

**"Whoa, that's a first."**

**"Huuuu... I sometimes question why am I younger than these two..." **

**"...Commoner...?"**

**"I came from a family that had money, thank you very much..."**

**"Bitch."**

**"Oh my, when was I NEVER called that...?"**

**"Old-"**

**"You're old." **

**"What was that?" Zhen Ji grabs ZhangChunhua and shakes her around angrily.**

**Cao Pi was watching with some amusement on his face. **

**"My gold's on Zhen." Takasugi yells out,"She's the one holding her! It's rigged, I tell ya! And I never thought she would be that light... Ey,ey! Don't shake too hard or her chest will pop out!" **

**"Serves her right for wearing scraps for a dress!"**

**"I never chose this dress!"**

**"Are you going to stop this, Sima Yi?!" yelled out Takasugi to Sima Yi, who was just eating some popcorn while watching the 'fight'.**

**"I see nothing wrong. It's just two ladies bonding."**

**"BONDING MY ASS!"**

**"It's about time Zhen Ji got a new person to be angry at. And Chunhua is in desperate need of lady friends... Soo..."**

**"This isn't friendship! This is a all-out brawl!"**

**"No, it isn't. Chunhua's just being shaken like some old doll there. I'm rather disappointed in her for letting Zhen Ji just shake her like a noisy baby."**

**"Why don't you... You know...?"**

**"Oh, please. I'm smart enough to not get into a fight between two women." Cao Pi then pats Zhen Ji on the sholder and says,"I think I've enjoyed enough."**

**"You were enjoying this?!"**

**"Well... I was enjoying that you are standing up for yourself...?" Zhen Ji drops her captive and turns to Cao Pi to give him an earful. Takasugi goes over to make Zhang Chunhua sit up and waves his hand over her face.**

**"Hello?"**

**"Nrrgh... I don't feel so good..."**

**"Well, you just got shaken by some older woman, so yeah. No s*bleep*. Come on, why don't you just kapow her? Huh?"**

**"I'm tired, okay?"**

**"...Now I'm starting know where Sima Zhao is getting his lack of energy from..." Sima Yi scoffs and says,"You're telling me... Why did you make her with the same qualities that make me ha-dislike Zhao? The lack of energy and exact facial structure..."**

**"Isn't that the idea of a parent? A parent is supposed to look like their kid and vice versa. If not, then one of you is a cheating bastard/bitch."**

**"I suppose... But... they look creepily the same..." Takasugi sighs and stands up straight quickly.**

**"Oh my god! We forgot about the.. uhh.. thing...He goes down to reach the mailbox and digs around there to find two letters. **

**"Oh, lookie here. I have some more fan mail for you, Sima Yi." He throws a letter at Sima Yi and when he reads the letter, he gets out of his seat and quickly walks to the back of the auditorium. He opens the door in the back and Takasugi yells out,"WAIT! You'll-" Loud static noises and yelling is heard. "...get shocked..." He picks up the letter Sima Yi dropped and reads it.**

REMEMBER MY LETTER SIMMMMMMAAA YIIIII?  
>NAOWWWWWW HUGGGG MMMEEEEEE *Aims Bazooka*<p>

**"...Oh... We'll just forget it exists... Hehehehe... Suzaku, can you scrape Sima Yi off the pavement outside...?"**

**"Wait, why would he...?"**

**"The voltage is stronger now and has the side effect of actually burning you onto the pavement."**

**"Ew..."**

**"Don't worry. He's made of pixels, which are much easier to scrape off than flesh. What is this next one?"**

Hi, me again. Apologies for my sister. (Creepy Fangirl)  
>I'm gonna torment someone!<p>

POSTER BOY! YOU HAVE TO BANG YOUR HEAD ON A WALL FOR AN HOUR WHILE MA CHAO SMACKS YOU ON THE HEAD WITH YOUR SPEAR!

That was random...

**"...Okay? Zhao Yun, do what this says and give Ma Chao your spear." **

**"I don't want to!"**

**"Do it."**

**"No."**

**"Do it or I can just have Lu Bu throw you outside and have you join Sima Yi on the pavement."**

**"Huff..." Zhao Yun bangs his head on the wall over and over while putting on a pouting face.**

**"There. The mailbox is empty. Now, let me wait an hour..."**

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I actually thought I could do this again, but it seems this lost its charm. Now it's just nonsense I throw out from my head. I'll sort of keep this going for a while until I make something else.**


	8. Yay managed to get one in here

**The mailbox is dinging rapidly and Takasugi kicks it, causing it to fly off and hit the wall, releasing the letters inside. Takasugi walks over to take the box and sticks it back on the post. **

**"Sorry. I got angry for a moment." He gathers the letters off the ground. He angrily turns to see Suzaku and Izuru sitting on the stage's edeg playing with their 3DSs. **

**"At least help me here!"**

**"Damn it! Stop spamming the bombs as Link!"**

**"You stop spamming Meta Knight in general!"**

**"Fiiiine! I'm gonna be over here... Reading letters..." He drops a VHS tape and he quickly grabs it.**

**"Who uses VHS anymore? Is there Blu-Ray?...Sexy Super Magical Girls Gone Wild... It's on VHS, so it's gonna suck... Is there a VHS player here?"**

**"Nope." said the two playing with their games. **

**"Huh. Well, I'll never know how hilariously non-sexy this would be..." He tosses it over his shoulder and begins to look through the letters.**

**"This says there would be pies. Where are the pies?" He hears chewing and the clanging of tins as he turns to see at one of the doors, the male SW characters were eating the food that was sent to them. **

**"Next! Nom! Nom!"**

**"These things are good!"**

**"There's more of them to go around!"**

**"Oy! What the hell do you guys think you're doing?" They all paused and casually say,"Eating."**

**"Those were for... Actually, sure. Go ahead. I didn't know you guys need to eat."**

**"Yes, we do!"**

**"Does that mean you guys go to the bat-Nevermind. Ohh, it's been a while since I watched Gintama. Is the Internet on right now? It went off the air a few years ago, I think..." **

**"The Internet is slow here." said Suzaku. **

**"Aw. No anime then. What's this one...? Cao Piiiii..."**

**"NO." **

**"I didn't say anything."**

**"I'm not kissing anyone! Unless it's one of these pretty women here..." Cao Pi whispers that last sentence to himself.**

**"It's Mitsunari-"**

**"I knew it. How about NO?"**

**"Sure, you can go kiss No. Her husband's going through a gay phase right now. After a week, he should return back to straight mode."**

**"I said no, in the refusal terms!"**

**"Oh, sorry. It's hard to determine that without context. Oh well, go kissy-kissy."**

**"I said no!"**

**"Luckily, I have these puppets." Takasugi takes out his hands to show a Mitsunari and a Cao Pi puppet. He makes the latter 'kiss' the other puppet in his hands.**

**"There you go. We still did it."**

**"You just happened to have puppets of us...?"**

**"Why yes, thanks to Zhuge Liang and Zhang Chunhua's hobbies, I can put on silly shows when I'm bored. Though I feel like I'm jamming my hand up their... where the sun don't shine-s... I should stop thinking like that...Hehehehe... But in the fangirls' eyes, apparently that's where the sun shines-"**

**"Please stop referring to the behind as that..."**

**"But saying butt makes me laugh... Kahahaha! Sorry... Now where did I put the rest of the letters-" He looks at the open door at the side of the auditorium to see papers fly out the door.**

**"Goddamn it. Is there anymore in the mailbox?" He opens the mailbox to take out a few papers. "Oh, there. You're safe now."**

To all the Dynasty Warriors characters. Are you all jealous that Samurai Warriors has an anime and you don't. If so beat them up. Dynasty vs Samurai

**"Huh. Sooo...? Guys? Are you jealous that SW got an anime?"**

**"I don't care." **

**"F*bleep* that! We've been around longer! Why didn't we get that?!" Some SW characters taunted the DW side of the room.**

**"Ha-ha! Sucks to be you! After all, Japan wants us! We're their heroes!" The two sides get up from their seats and you see a giant cloud of punches and thrashing filling up the auditorium. You see some characters who do not want any part of this getting pulled into the cloud. Takasugi yells at the cloud, but it doesn't get heard.**

**"HEY! Stop! Oy!" **

**"Here you go." Izuru had his eyes stil glued to his DS as he handed Takasugi a small remote. **

**"What's this...?"**

**"You like big red buttons. Press the big red button."**

**"...But what does it do? Ah, you're right. I like pressing big red buttons." He presses the red button in the middle of the remote and the cloud clears up to show both sides being electrocuted. The shock causes everyone to turn black and expose their skeletons inside. Smoke appears over them.**

**"Nrrgh..."**

**"Oh my god! Whoa... I'm... getting rid of this..." Takasugi tosses the remote over his shoulder and this causes everyone in the room to get shocked again because of the remote landing with the button pressing against the floor.**

**"Whoopse...Moving oooon..." He looks through the letters to pull out three and says,"You really want to make us become rated M, don't you?! I don't even think these guys can even handle hentai..." The DW and SW characters all have a thought bubble appearing above them with a chicken wearing a tie in it.**

**"Uhhh... Well, at least they all have livid imaginations... Fine! What do ya want? I have all of these disks containing security footage of the DW and SW bedrooms. Since you guys are animated, this counts as hentai." Suzaku jumps up from his place on the stage and yells at Takasugi,"Wait! What are you gonna do with those?!"**

**"Duh, show 'em."**

**"WHAT? No! It will horrify them!"**

**"Not really. It's just the married people having whoopie that the cameras occasionally pick up."**

**"You recorded everyone...?" **

**"Yeah. All I can say is this: I canceled my porn subscription because of this."**

**"Uhhh... We don't have a DVD player...?"**

**"Phht, I have my laptop. Get me the projector."**

**"Uhh... Um... It's broken..."**

**"No, it isn't. I used it last week and it was fine. What's wrong?"**

**"Those disks aren't the security footage..."**

**"Then what are they?"**

**"It's regular porn."**

**"...That's it?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"...Ah, who cares? It's still porn." **

**"But the thing says hentai."**

**"...So picky... Never thought I get upset over the choice in porn... Fine. Let me see if I can just grab the ones where Cao Pi and Zhen Ji just go nuts-" **

**"You don't want that."**

**"I need something!"**

**"...We can just look up something online..."**

**"You know what?! I'mma just give them hentai doujins! That's right! I'mma make 'em READ porn! Yeah! Take that! And they are not even moving! Only lines to suggest moving!"**

**"Where are you going to get that?"**

**"Ahahaha...Huh? Damn, everything digital these days and we're back to regular hentai. We're saying hentai so much, the site will flag this as Mature. You know what? I'll get my computer and put on a random hentai thing and wait a few minutes. Damn, I said it again." **

**"Be careful. Those places are loaded with viruses."**

**"Who said I was going online?" He pulls out his laptop and he makes a few clicking noises to plug it into a projector sitting on a table. Takasugi whistles casually as he walked off-stage and he hears the seating area yell in shock. He walks back onto the stage to look over Izuru's shoulder as he was playing with his DS.**

**"What are they yelling about?" Izuru closes the lid on his DS and looks up at Takasugi. "What did you do?"**

**"If you were listening to my conversation with Suzaku, then you would have known we gotten out of hand and just gave up."**

**"Which is?"**

**"Hentai is showing."**

**"..." Izuru moves his head to the side to turn red and yell out. **

**"What the *bleep*?! Why do you have that?!"**

**"What?"**

**"You just threw on something?! What if it involves...?"  
><strong>

**"Trust me, I haven't been in my octopus phase since I was in college. It's just regular animated porn."**

**"Those animations look too familiar..." Takasugi looks at the projection screen and he moves his sunglasses up to get a better look. **

**"Huh. Those look like... Sweet mother of Buddha! That's Koei animation!"**

**"And who is those two doing the deed?!"**

**"Uhhh... I can't see their faces. The guy is taking too much of the screentime with his back. Hmmm... Long hair... Skinny... The woman has black hair and-Well. What are the odds?"**

**"Is that a sex tape of C-"**

**"Shh. Let them be a mystery to the audience."**

**"Everyone knows who the skinny black haired man is!"**

**"Come on. That can't be Sima Yi. He's not THAT skinny. Trust me, I've met with his designer. He has meat on his bones, but prefers to be covered up. He needs to lay off the meatbuns or he'll end up like my father... In terms of physique, not looks."**

**"I'm not talking about Sima Yi..."**

**"Great. You just gave the audience more hints! Why don't you give it all away while you're at it?!"**

**"It's Cao Pi."**

**"Damn it! You said it too fast! I wasn't ready!"**

**"Whatever. It's a steamy sextape of Cao Pi and Zhen Ji. And the question is why do you have it?"**

**"Come on, we both know ever since we got the two together in DW5, they are like rabbits in the springtime. Also, we unintentionally made Sima Yi the third wheel..."**

**"Why would he be a third wheel?! He's not interested in neither of them!"**

**"Well, if you ask him, he did want to bang Zhen Ji at one point. But that was it. He wasn't in love. He just wanted a piece of hot ass like every other guy in Wei. Well, he now has his own hot piece of ass, so he doesn't need Zhen Ji or Wang Yi-if-you-want-to-go-down-that-route anymore. Or if you ask a yaoi fangirl, he's interested in Cao Pi and we both know which source to trust.**

**"Wow. I'm surprised you even got that much information out of him."**

**"Oh, I just eavesdrop on him when he talks to himself." The seating area continues to give off loud disgusted yells as the projection was going on. He hears someone yell out,"Damn it! Get the man's butt out of our faces! I want to see the woman!"**

**"That's my complaint with real porn..." Takasugi laughs to himself. "We still get points, right? For showing hentai?"**

**"Why do you need approval?"**

**"I am not sure you can call this hentai. Because the DW characters borderline on realistic and animated. It's anime-listic. They look very human, but have that Japanese animated look on them. It's tinted there just a smidge."**

**"It's still considered. You still get your points."**

**"Yay. How long is this going? Did I record that much?"**

**"Now everyone is just watching Zhen Ji making the bed. Then going back in to sleep. Then getting out. Then we see Cao Cao crawling out from under the-Come on." **

**"Ouch. Watching how this tape went, Cao Cao's back is gonna hurt." Takasugi turns his head to se Cao Pi shaking his father by the collar. **

**"Oh, come on! You were under there?! I knew something was up there!"**

**"That was ten years ago! Why are you angry now?!" The footage on the screen continues to have nothing happen until you see Cao Pi and Zhen Ji go back into bed to actually sleep. The door slides open to have Sima Yi (in one of his older outfits) sneaking in with two bowls of water. He sets the bowls on the nightstands and sets both people's hands into the water. You hear him snickering and he walks out of the bedroom. Cao Pi throws away Cao Cao and begins to yell at Sima Yi's face with Zhen Ji slapping him. **

**"That was you! Thanks to you, my father thought I had bed-wetting problem!"**

**"And the servant ladies laughed behind my back whenever they came to change the sheets!" They continue to hit Sima Yi, who couldn't speak since a punch will interrupt if he did talk.**

**"Mmh! Wa-Pohg! Gah! That-Pow! Was-Ghh! TEN YEARS AGO!" Takasugi slowly lifts the remote and turns off the projector. **

**"K. Wei was so dysfunctional even during those times."**

**"When was that?"**

**"The timestamp says 'September 23, 2005'. It was probably around DW5. I guess since the room was dark, you can't exactly see what they were wearing. Hey, hey! You guys play nice over there! Well, we finished the hentai parts. Now moving on." He digs around in the mailbox and pulls out a photo.**

**"Oh, it's Zhang Bao and Guan Yinping... Riding on the same horse under the moonlight. So? Oh, that's right. That's considered romantic back then where Hallmark cards and expensive dining didn't exist." Every male Guan was surrounding Zhang Bao with glowing red eyes.**

**"...Is that right?"**

**"If you did anything to... I swear I will cut up that exposed abdomen up to pull out your-"**

**"Whoa whoa! Ah!" He gets grabbed by the collar by Guan Ping and Guan Xing. **

**"Wait, wait! Ah! Hey, why is Guan Ping even doing this? You're not exactly related by blood-"**

**"Say that again." **

**"What about you, Xing?!"**

**"You promised not to enter a relationship with my sister or may you get your hair and teeth pulled out..." The two drag Zhang Bao out one of the doors leading outside and you hear loud thuds indicating hits being thrown. **

**"Ah, the game they're playing sounds fun. A shame I'm not that young anymore..." Takasugi sighs and takes out another letter.**

**"...Zhang Bao is out playing... Um... Lu Lingqi...? Do you want to kiss-" Lu Bu appears in front of him with glowing red eyes. Takasugi quickly says,"Moving on...! Who's Wang Yin? That an OC?"**

**"It's probably a typo for Wang Yi."**

**"Either way... EW. All people...? All 70-something characters...? Oh boy... This would have been more easier during the pre-DW6 days... But everyone has to get a piece of the pie. How do we do this...?"**

**"You don't need to ask them directly. Because they all have a file on their mental conditions." said Izuru.**

**"Why...?"**

**"I actually don't know. Koei has profiles of every character here depending on how long they were in the Warriors series and how popular they are. This include, personal feelings, mental conditions, and sexuality. Please don't ask for that last category because I have no f*bleep*ing idea." **

**"Why does it bleep when we swear? Wait, what happens if I spell out a swear? Man, there are a f-u-c-k-ing lot of characters in this f-u-c-k-ing auditorium!"**

**"Spelling it out takes more effort."**

**"But I can bypass the f-u-c-k-ing censors if I do! Now, about those files..."**

**"Use your I.D. to access the Koei systems-Crap. North Korea."**

**"Did you guys have a backup for that?"**

**"Actually... Yes... There is! Access it through your phone."**

**"What's the password?"**

**"The name of Zhong Hui's teddy bear."**

**"Wha...?"**

**"I am serious here. It is the password here for the files for some reason."**

**"Oh, it's Mr. Poofy. Right...?"**

**"Yes." Takasugi taps on his phone and he makes a face. **

**"There's another login page!"**

**"The password for that page is the name of Sima Yi's psychological evaluation."**

**"Um... Dickhead-ed-ness!"**

**"...That's not a legitimate condition."**

**"He's a sociopath."**

**"Bingo." Takasugi again taps at his phone and he furrows his eyebrows.**

**"Another login page!"**

**"Hey, we're not going to use ONE login page to protect very private information."**

**"What's this one?"**

**"I can't believe you don't know about the passwords considering your position here."**

**"Why would I need access these things?! Okay, what is it?"**

**"What is Lu Xun's favorite-"**

**"Fire!"**

**"Not thing. His favorite food."**

**"Chile peppers?"**

**"No."**

**"Hot sauce?"**

**"No."**

**"Fire ants!"**

**"Quit thinking of spicy things! It's actually very unexpected."**

**"Cookies."**

**"No..."**

**"Octopus!"**

**"No, that's one of the SW characters' favorite food."**

**"Chicken? JUST TELL ME."**

**"Beans."**

**"Whaaaaaa...?! Okay, I'll ask questions later. OH COME ON! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!"**

**An hour later...**

**"Is this the last one...?"  
><strong>

**"No, you need about three more. That space is for the name of Zhou Yu's pet fish."**

**"He has a fish?! I never knew that!"**

**"It died because Sun Ce overfed it somewhere in DW3 when he left it with him for about five minutes. He has a koi pond though." **

**"Yu."**

**"Zhou Yu's not going to name his pet after him."**

**"Captain Sparkles."**

**"Hahahaha! No. Zhou Yu would never let Xiao Qiao name it anyway."**

**"Sun Ce."**

**"No."**

**"Xiao Yu."**

**"You're giving up, aren't you?"**

**"I hate guessing! Tell me!"**

**"Fine. It was Cheng se."**

**"What kind of name is that?!"**

**"I think it meant 'orange' in Chinese."**

**"Wow, so creative!"**

**"He certainly didn't put much into the name. Oh well. There's your password."**

**"What about the other passwords?"**

**"The next one is ILOV3BAN0N0Z. I have no idea who put that. And the last one is 'Nintendo'. I don't know why that either."**

**"There and there! Yes! Thank you! But how the hell we are going to speed through seventy characters and their feelings...?"**

**"Fine." You see his finger swiping down on the phone.**

**"Zhao Yun tends come up a lot as I speed through here. Ohh, Cao Pi. Lu Xun... Some have multiple-F*bleep* it! It's so hard! My brain can't handle it! We'll skip it! This letter says to watch more hentai! Jesus! I can't be pulling out sex tapes of the married couples here!"**

**"How many do you even have...?"**

**"Over the course of twelve years, the cameras catch stuff and we keep EVERY. SINGLE. LITTLE. THING. For some reason. But... I'm guessing North Korea took that..." The mailbox dings again and Taksugi goes to open it to take out three letters.**

**"Another fangirl letter." He tosses that over his shoulder. **

Have Xingcai wear a steel Chastity belt and have Liu Shan have the only key to it

Have Liu Shan do the Nya Nya na na chant and wave the key every time Guan Ping tries to get to third base

Don't let Guan Ping (God I hate him) injure Liu Shan in any way

Have Sun Shang Xiang kiss Ling Tong (I ship them) and last

Have Cao Cao sing the Barney song to Guo Jia but don't let Guo Jia know it's a request

**"Where are we going to get a chastity belt? Ah, I got it!" Takasugi walks away for a moment. He comes back holding a roll of duct tape.**

**"Oh no... You're not going-"**

**"Too late." He goes into the seating area and heads for Xing Cai. She looks at him and gets up to walk away. She then starts to run, but Takasugi chases after her. The screen goes black and you hear loud hits and struggling happen. The next shot is Xing Cai walking with duct tape wrapped around her lower body and she was trying to take it off.**

**"Chasity belts are supposed to lock the woman's parts out! That can be easily removed!" yelled out Izuru.**

**"I even draw a keyhole on her who-ha." said Takasugi while holding a black marker. **

**"That's not how it works! And how the hell did she let you do that?!"**

**"I even made a key." Takasugi holds out a key made out of duct tape. **

**"It doesn't go anywhere!"**

**"Yes, it does..." He uses the 'key' to poke at Xing Cai's lower area. She glares at him and kicks him into the seats on the side. **

**"Hahahaha... Okay, Guan Ping, get to second base. Or is it third base? I was never sure of that. Liu Shan, here's the key."**

**"That key isn't made out of metal..."**

**"Keys can be out of anything."**

**"But there's no hole on Xing Cai's 'chastity belt'."**

**"It is a chastity belt! Don't question me, numb-nuts."**

**"I may be dumb, but that can't fool me. You can even see it coming part."**

**"Oh, at least the audience won't get anymore pantyshots from here on out and not get offended. What's the next one here... Okay-" Sun Shang Xiang kicks him in the chest, causing to fly back into the seats.**

**"OW! Ow! Luckily, these seats are cushioned or else I'd suffer some a broken everything! Also... WHAT THE HELL?"**

**"I am not going to kiss some random man for your amusement!"**

**"It's a dare..."**

**"I triple-dog-dare you."**

**"I-Uh... Well, I quadruple-dog dare you!"**

**"That's not vaaaalid!"**

**"Yes, it is! No, you lock lips with Mirror Male Zhen Ji over there!"**

**"I don't want to make out with Zhen Ji!"**

**"That's my nickname for Ling Tong! Now, go!"**

**"How about you do it?"**

**"It's against company policy to do anything sexual to the characters. And I heard from in Capcom one of their workers did and they got fired... And heard video game characters' skin are like sandpaper because of the pixels-"**

**"Too much information!"**

**"Well, unless you too are a video game character, you can counter this... Besides, you have to be in full contact to feel the sandpaper-ness."**

**"Alright! I'll do it! Just stop saying all of that!" Sun Shang Xiang runs over to grab Ling Tong and give him a very fast kiss and throws him away for him to fall down the steps of the seating area.**

**"Ow! Ow! Ow! Why is this place so high up?!" Ling Tong continues to tumble down the steps and when he lands at the bottom, Takasugi says,"Cool. He's so bouncy. Didn't know pixels could be this bouncy. Let's do it again!" **

**"NO!"**

**"Oh, it was worth a shot. And that last one-Gh!" Takasugi crumples the letter and burns it up with a lighter he just pulled out of his pocket. "Was nothing! Hahahaha... Oh god, that will kill the remaining brain cells I have left in my head..." He muttered. He walks down the steps and back to the mailbox to take out the last two letters.**

**"Oh, really? More crazy fangirl stuff? Hehehehe... I guess Sima Yi is still popular despite clearly pushed out of the picture by all of the new characters." He quickly mutters to himself,"And he's gaining some weight..." Two rockets flew towards him, and he ducks for them to hit the SW side of the auditorium. He then reads the last letter.**

**"Hmm... Well... Cao Cao? Who are you sitting next to?" Cao Cao up in the seating area looks to his left to see Xiahou Dun and when he looks over to his right, he sees Zhang He. **

**"If I hit either one, they'll just give me an even more powerful hit back."**

**"Just choose." Cao Cao looks left and right and slowly lifts his fist to slowly extend it to Xiahou Dun's shoulder and the moment he taps it, Xiahou Dun quickly shoves Cao Cao into the seat's crevice as a reflex.**

**"I should have chose Zhang He... Help me. I'm stuck in the space that folds this chair up..." A group of Wei officers go over to try to pull Cao Cao out of the seat. They all pull hard and they rip Cao Cao in half, them only having his lower body. No blood spills here. **

**"AAAAHHH!" yelled out them and Cao Cao asks, completely oblivious to what had happened,"What? Did my pants fall off...?'**

**"We have your legs!" Cao Cao falls through the seat crevice and uses his arms to push himself to the aisle. He looks down and his eyes were widened.**

**"Ah! My legs! Where did they go?!" Takasugi walks up and casually take the lower body from the Wei officers and picks up Cao Cao's upper body. He makes the legs stand as he twists Cao Cao's upper body onto it.**

**"Luckily, you guys can be put back together like Lego if you were to break apart. It's weird, but that's what happens. Okay, the ends another day in this auditorium. Just don't break anymore body parts and we should be a-okay." **


	9. It's hard to juggle two stories

**Takasugi sits in a chair next to the mailbox tapping it with a stick. The mailbox's lid pops open to shoot papers into his face.**

**"Oh god! Unintentional porn innuendo! Phhfft!" He takes the papers and reads one.**

Everyone watches 2 girls 1 cup

**"...Does it still exist? Okay. I've already know what it is and already am immune to its disgusting-ness." Takasugi takes a remote and presses a button to turn on the projector. He takes his laptop and begins to tap away at it. **

**"And there we go."**

**Few minutes later...**

**Both sides of the auditorium had people throwing up, groaning in disgust, and some even tried to run out the auditorium to only come back charred black due to shocks. **

**"AAAaARGH Why?!"**

**"I thought only dogs do that!"**

**"BLLLLLARRRRRGH!" Suzaku angrily shakes Takasugi by the collar.**

**"Do you know how long it will take to clean up over 150 characters' worth of vomit?!"**

**"No, because I don't clean this place... You do..."**

**"Exactly! Make them stop puking!"**

**"Okay." Takasugi takes the remote with the huge red button at its center and presses it to make everyone receive a large shock. **

**"That going to make it worse!" **

**"I'm doing this because the shock is powerful enough to make them forget the most recent memory they have and that was that... thing... Okay, clean up the puke."**

**"How can they puke in the first place?! I thought they don't eat!"**

**"They don't NEED to eat, but some just eat for health or for taste. Of course, this makes them prone to do very human bodily functions such as defecating, urinating, and puking if you drive them to. We never see them do it, because there is a system here that lives off video game character waste and would remove any waste that any of the characters-"**

**"Okay, that's enough... I'll go clean up..." Suzaku trudges off while going to a closet, pulling out a bucket and mop.**

**"Next!"**

If you put Zhao Yun and Yukimura into a duel will the world end?

**"Nope. It would just cause a tsunami here and Japan will become the Lost City of Atlantis. So it is best we don't make them fight each other. The tsunami wouldn't even reach China once it hits here. ****Next!"**

Have the Samurai Warriors characters try a meat bun and the Dynasty Warriors characters try mochi and rice balls

**"They did that during the first Warriors Orochi. Did you know the Warriors food has a s*bleep*ton of calories?" Izuru asks hi,"How the heck do you know that?"**

**"I tried to eat a meatbun and a chicken from the DW universe and I gain five whole pounds from that. Maybe the calories go to the women's boobs, the big men's muscles, the strategists' brains, and gives the pretty boys their collagen... Anyway, don't eat them unless you want to become a sumo wrestler."**

**"What about the SW food?"**

**"Their rice is so fatty! Can rice even be fatty...? I swear I thought I was going to blow my belt off when I tried to eat those rice balls... Same reason, their women's boobies take the calories, the smart guys use it for their brains and the big guys eat it for their muscles." Taksugi throws that letter away and finds a case.**

**"Boku no Pico-Sorry, I'm out of that phase. I'm watching the SW anime now. Still waiting for my DW anime, Mr. Koei President... I bet I can get a couple of yen for this..." He throws it at a table and it lands. **

**"What's next... Hey! No! We're not suppose to be doing the silly things! The DW characters are! We're just the moderators here! Famitsu hasn't been paying much attention to us these days, so it doesn't really matter if you release them onto us...What's next?"**

You forgot a lot of letters and WHERE'S MY BARNEY SONG?!

To Zhang He and Li Dian : are you gay? Bi?or trans?

To Cao Cao: I find you sexy can I be your concubine?

To Cao Pi: Kiss Every Female in Wei,an actual kiss and yes that includes Bian who now has a design

To Author person do a Maury style on Cao Rui,Fake the results to say Zhang He is the Father then sit back and watch the hilarity

**"Ohhhhhh... Right... Er... I'm sorry, ever since I saw that show when I visited America, I felt like my brain cells died. And I'm a half-idiot. I heard they use that song for torture in America... But nevermind about me. If you read Zhang He and Li Dian's sexuality file, they're bisexual. But Zhang He prefers women more than men just a smidge. Li Dian, on the other hand, likes both sexes equally and will take what he can get. Seriously, why does Koei have files on every character's sexuality?" Izuru shrugs and says,"You do have to admit they have very human feelings despite being video game characters."**

**"Now that I look at the files, half of both Warriors side is considered bisexual. The rest are miscellaneous or heterosexual."**

**"Miscellaneous...? I'd hate to know those..."**

**"Yeah, let's not go into it. Cao Cao, here's your part of the letter." He folds up the letter into an airplane and it flies to Cao Cao who catches it. He raises an eyebrow.**

**"Um... who wants to be my concubine? Is it this... person with no face...?"**

**"Hey, it doesn't matter right?"**

**"I'd like something to look at, thank you."**

**"Come on, I think that person will look nice as your concubine. I even prepared her/him for you!"**

**"Him?!"**

**"Oh, I'm joking." Takasugi goes off for a moment to come back with a mannequin. **

**"Here ya go-"**

**"That thing isn't even alive!"**

**"Take a drill and go down there and boom. Concubine that can't bear children."**

**"No thank you then."**

**"Look! This thing has boobs!"**

**"But there are no nipples-"**

**"Come on, Gan Ning has no nipples and no one is complaining." Gan Ning gets up from his seat and yells at him,"They are there! You need really good light to see them!"**

**"Sure, sure. Go ask every anime guy in the universe and they'll tell you the same. Well, the mannequin's out of the question." He tosses it off and it makes a loud clack on the stage. "Pass that letter to Cao Pi."**

**"This says for him to kiss his mother, but she isn't around... Just this." Cao Cao takes out a card from his sleeve that had Lady Bian's design for Shin Sangoku Blast. **

**"That will do." Takasugi takes the card and heads up into the seating area to get to Cao Pi. He holds the card in his face.**

**"Here you go. Kiss your mommy."**

**"That's just a card..." Takasugi covers his mouth to make a very bad feminine voice to make it seem from the card.**

**"Pi, how could you? I am your mother! You couldn't give me a kiss because your friends are here, right? But they should know you have a mother who loves you. And how could you have a lustful gaze towards another mother-"**

**"That is awful! And what other mother are you talking about...?"**

**"Don't you lie to me! You're betraying your beloved with you looking at another woman! Who is married herself! Shame on you!"**

**"Okay, you can stop with the awful female voice you have going on. I think my ears are going to bleed from your horrible acting." Takasugi still continues the act ignoring what Cao Pi just said.**

**"We will talk about this back home! Right now, you give me some kisses! Mwuh mwah!"**

**"I am not kissing a card."**

**"It's not just any card! It's your mom!"**

**"I'd prefer to show affection to my physical mother than her card." **

**"Oh, alright. Go kiss Zhen Ji, Wang Yi, and Cai Wenji if you don't want to kiss your mommy."**

**"I'm allowed to?"**

**"Sure, two are single and one is your wife, so go for it."**

**"Does Wei count Jin as well...?"**

**"Hmm... considering Jin is just Wei with Sima spilled all over it, no."**

**"Why not?"**

**"Because you can't cross this line." Takasugi points at a teal-ish line that was under and between the seats of Guo Huai and Yue Jin. "That's the border. The only person with the papers to pass is Sima Yi since he was once part of your kingdom but was deported/exiled to that space there."**

**"Since when does it require all of that?!"**

**"I dunno. I don't make up the rules. And if you look a little closer, the seats are color coded with green, red, blue, yellow, and teal. The SW side is similar, but it has clan symbols instead of color. Now go. At least we're not making you kiss Mitsunari, because of WO, Zhao Yun because of that DW5 opening, Sima Yi oh god, you should have seen all the stuff they had on you two... Actually you don't. Sima Shi, yeah, the fandom's moving on to someone younger and hipper, Lu Xun, and every other guy that the fangirls made you gay with. Ahhh... all the bleach I had to buy to clear up that from my head...**

**"I don't want to hear it!"**

**"And I've found many weird pairings that would break the age barrier-no-SHATTER it. But I doubt anyone wants to hear me, on that and just wants you to lock lips with the women here, so bye-bye." **

**Few minutes later**

**"Wow, that was fast." Cao Pi was looking at Takasugi with knives stuck in his forehead. **

**"Don't. Even. Say. Anything."**

**"The only one that was into it was Zhen Ji. Wang Yi wasn't for sure, and Guo Jia, Yu Jin, and every other guy in Wei got defensive on you. Let me see that last part... Oh! Haha! I love it! Who has a good 'You're the father!' voice here?" **

**"How about Lu Su? He actually sounds a bit like Maury himself. It's probably just me though."**

**"Really? Huh. Okay, Lu Su, get into your suit and sit in this chair." Lu Su goes down the steps and gets handed his DLC outfit.**

**"Oh, what are we doing?"**

**"Ah, it will be fun. Don 't wear the monocle. When are we, the Victorian era?"**

* * *

><p><strong>The stage was set up almost exactly like the set shown on Maury. *If you're not familiar with it, it's a show where this guy tests if someone's the father or not and drama ensures on this show.* Lu Su sat in a chair across from two other empty chairs. Up in the seating area, Takasugi was pulling Zhen Ji and Cao Pi towards the steps.<strong>

**"Come on! It's for a good causes!"**

**"I already know who the father is! It's ME."**

**"Come on, we don't know that. Ancient China isn't well-known for their paternity tests, you know. Well, neither is Sengoku era Japan, but you get the point."**

**"Is this actually effective?"**

**"Yes, yes! It's totally legitimate! You can even stay behind the stage while your face is being projected to everyone in this room. Zhen Ji's the one who has to sit out there talking to Mr. Lu Su. I even gave him a script." **

**"...Well... I suppose I am a little curious on the legitimacy of Rui..." Zhen Ji turns to him, bewildered. "How could you say that?! The child has your face there!"**

**"Well, he's a generic..." Takasugi mumbled to himself. "Now, chop, chop!"**

* * *

><p><strong>The show starts and Takasugi was casually handing Lu Su serveral papers that was the script along with fake paternity tests.<strong>

**"What the...? How is-"**

**"Ah, ah, you say that during the filming."**

**"Okay..." He clears his throat. "Welcome to our show. Today's guest is-" Zhen Ji interrupts hi,"Cut to the chase."**

**"Huh...? Don't we get to hear your story-"**

**"I have no story!"**

**"On how you got your little one."**

**"Through intercourse, how else?"**

**"Well, could you have had intercourse with another fellow?" **

**"No! Now-"**

**"I have to keep this going for another fifteen minutes before giving out the paternity tests results."**

**"Argh... what do you want to know?"  
><strong>

**"Your story." Lu Su looks at the script and raises an eyebrow. He says what was on the script,"...Like if you ever dropped out of college or failed beauty school...? What is that...? They have institutions to be beautiful...?"**

**"No! I used to be-Wait a minute. Everyone knows where I came from."**

**"Not everyone..."**

**"Fine. I came from..."**

**Twenty minutes later**

**The audience snores loudly as Zhen Ji was still talking about her life. Lu Su was starting to doze off as well while keeping his head propped up with his hand. **

**"...And that's why I hate dogs. They are mangy beasts that go defecate on anything." Lu Su snores and Zhen Ji throws a heel at his head. He sits up quickly. **

**"Ah! Sorry... Okay... That seems to cover the time we needed... Okay, now to the results. We did many tests on possible people who have a connection with you. The first one is... Me? What?! Why am I in the pool here!?" Takasugi was snickering behind the curtain. Lu Su reposes himself and says,"For me to be the father of this child... The paternity test says I am not the father. Thank Nu Wa. Okay, here's another one. For the father of Cao Rui, it is... Mitsunari Ishida...? What the...?" The audience wakes up and they all turn to Mitsunari sitting in the far corner of the SW seating area. He gets flustered and yells out,"What?! I never did anything! That is ridiculous!" Takasugi begins to laugh loudly and gets out onto the stage. He sees Cao Pi rolling up his sleeves and marching into the SW seating area.**

**"Wait! Wait! It was a joke! I just threw that in there to be silly! Hahahaha! Man, you were really going to do it! Haha!" **

**"You said this was legitimate!" **

**"It is! I just threw in that one to be silly! Continue." Lu Su shifts around the papers and makes a weirded-out face. **

**"For the father of Cao Rui... it is... Cao Cao...?" The audience has people falling out of their seats and Cao Cao looks around confused.**

**"No, no! No way! I'm not the father! No, no! Don't kill me, Pi..." Lu Su shifts that paper and reads off that one. **

**"This is confusing. How about a different system?" Takasugi goes over to take the papers and says,"Hmm... yeah. You're right. You shoukld name of all the people you had tested. Screw anonymity."**

**"Okay... We had tested, Cao Cao, Mitsunari, Guo Jia, Xiahou Dun, Cao Ren...?, Zhang He, Wang Yi-" He stops and realizes. "Wait a minute... THAT'S A WOMAN!"**

**"You never know... Hehehehehe..." Lu Su whispers to him,"You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"**

**"Why yes. Don't spoil it."**

**"I suppose it's sort of funny... Where did I leave off...? Oh! Cai Wenji, Zhao Yun..., Yue Ying... this is weirding me out..., Sima Yi, Sima Shi...?, Sima Zhao...? You do realize how young they are...?"**

**"It's just for hilarious reasons. Don't worry about that." Lu Su shifts around the papers and begins to read the last names. "...Zhang Chunhua... What the...?, Lu Bu...? Yuan Shao...? I uh... For a joke, this is scaring me..." The audience all gasped loudly and began to look at the people listed. Zhen Ji yells out,"I didn't sleep with any of those people! And I certainly did not bang the entire Sima family!"**

**"Opps. I left one off. Wang Yuanji."**

**"That is an outrage!" **

**"Now, now. We have to read the tests. Okay... For the... how old is Cao Rui?"**

**"Mm-hm?"**

**"Okay, I'll go down the list. Cao Cao, for Cao Rui, you... are not the father." Cao Cao stands up to yell out in triumph. **

**"Whoo! Yeah!"**

**"Okay... Guo Jia-" Guo Jia stands up to yell at the stage,"I never touched that woman and everyone knows it!"**

**"Let me finish. Guo Jia, for that kid, you are... the father."**

**"PICKLE! I mean... OBJECTION! That is a lie! Do you have proof?" **

**"I was kidding. Sorry. You are not the father."**

**Few minutes later**

**"Zhang He... You are the father. I am not going to give suspension."**

**"Is it another joke again...?" **

**"Y-..." Takasugi whispers to Lu Su's ear and he says,"No. Totally his." Cao Pi angrily stands up and turns towards the DW seating area. **

**"Hehehehe..."**

**"Are you going to do this with everyone else?"**

**"Just dismiss everyone, but do this..." He whispers more instructions into Lu Su's ear.**

**A few minutes later, Cao Pi walks back down with a giant slash mark across his face. **

**"I thought I was able to kick his ass..."**

**"Speed beats strength. Anyway, that was a lie."  
><strong>

**"What?!" Lu Su clears his throat and says quickly,"Wang Yi and Cai Wenji are not the father-mother of the kid, Zhao Yun is not the father, Yue Ying is not the father-mother, and that leaves the Simas. Sima Yi, you... ****are the father." **

**"WHAT?! You rigged those tests!" He is glared down by his family. "This is an outrage! I object to those results!"**

**"Let me finish here. Sima Shi, you... are the father..."**

**"WHAT?! THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!" Lu Su was snickering before saying,"Sima Zhao, you... are the father."**

**"That can't be possible! What the hell is this bull*bleep*?!" **

**"And the last two ladies, you two are also the father."**

**"WHAT? We're women! How can a woman do-Argh, nevermind..." Takasugi laughs out loud and takes the fake paternity tests. **

**"Okay, it sort of stopped being funny a few minutes ago, but it was worth a shot to-OUWGH!" He receives a heel to the face from Zhen Ji.**

**"Stop messing around with me! What is the truth?"**

**"Oh, that child is yours and Cao Pi's. Easy."**

**"Why did you do all of this then?!"  
><strong>

**"For the sake of the non-existent plot."**

* * *

><p><strong>Notes: I will put any new letters I missed in next chapter.<strong>


	10. Whoa

**Takasugi walks back to the mailbox covered in bruises and cuts to open the lid and take out some letters.**

To Mitsunari who do you love more? Kiyomasa,Sakon or Yoshitsugu?

**"Ahhh... More Mitsunari yaoi implications... It makes sense for the last two, but the first one is weird for me. Because that guy got him killed in the first place. You do not love a guy who killed your ass. You have to be an idiot to do that and Mitsunari is not an idiot." Mitsunari up in the seating area angrily mumbles,"Why do I always get these stupid questions...? A man can't have friends without being assumed homosexual..." **

**"The 'perks' of being first place in the SW4 poll. It is very surprising since I expected both Poster Boys to win both polls. I was wrong. I guess Yukimura wasn't enough for the fans... Annnnd I can't read this next letter... Er... All I can make out is favorite animes. Mine is Gintama and Fist of the North Star. The DW and SW don't know what anime is, so skip ahead to those two guys over there. Izurur, Suzaku?" **

**"Bleach."**

**"Code Geass!" The two stare at Suzaku up in the seating area mopping up vomit. Suzaku pouts and angrily mops the floor. "You people have no culture..."**

**"Here's the next one."**

Hi Insert! Hi Takasugi! Hi Izuru! Hi... other koei worker... ( I forgot his name)... and HELLO XU SHU MY LOVE!  
>It's been a while a since I left a review on one of your stories, but I only have one question this time<br>For Sun Ce and Zhou Yu: what do you guys think of your wives new 'Mature' appearance on the new dynasty warriors blast cards ( I personally think they look beautiful).

**"Hehehehe... Insert..." Suzaku mutters while mopping more vomit,"No one remembers me..." Han Dang was next to the area he was moppping and whispers,"I hear you and I feel the same..." Takasugi pulls out the two cards showing Xiao Qiao's and Da Qiao's new adult designs for Blast. **

**"It's probably just me, but Adult Xiao Qiao reminds me of Zhang Chunhua... Damn, the designers have no sense of diversity here. Oh my god, they almost have same hair color! This is just confirming the stereotype that all Asians look alike." A flash of red speeds of to him and grabs his hand. **

**"Whoa whoa!" **

**"You mean to tell me Xiao Qiao has the capacity to grow up into a woman? A full legal woman? WHY DID YOU NEVER TELL ME?!" Takasugi sees Zhou Yu's face glowing with a red aura while crushing his wrist.**

**"Owowowowowow!"**

**"I had to stoop to magic, but it wears off... Now, Xiao Qiao has the ability to turn into an adult permanently? Is this true?"**

**"But she's just card... See?" He has the Adult Xiao Qiao card up.**

**"Could it be applied to her now...?"**

**"...Hmmm... Maybe? I never thought of that... Now let go of my hand! It hurts! I feel the tiny bones getting crushed!" Zhou Yu lets go and Takasugi goes up into the DW seating area and goes over to Xiao Qiao.**

**"Hmm... Where do I put the card...?" He puts the card near her mouth and tries to put it in.**

**"This looks like a slot, so maybe here...?" He pokes her in the mouth and she angrily bites his finger.**

**"Ow! You'll ruin the card! Okay... here." He pokes the card to her cheek over and over. He starts to be more forceful and just jams the card into her cheek. **

**The next shot is Takasugi holding up a very bent card.**

**"Well, so much for mint condition. Sorry, Zhou Yu. It doesn't work that way."**

**"Make her eat it." **

**"This isn't-Good idea. Here comes the airplaaaane!" Takasugi was flying the card near Xiao Qiao's mouth, but she just glares at him.**

**"..."**

**"It tastes like chicken and rainbows."**

**"No, it doesn't!" Taksugi looks at her for a whole minute before quickly opening her mouth forcefully and jamming the card down her throat.**

**"Mmmh! Mmh!"**

**"Ugh, I feel awful doing this..." He hits her in the stomach and she makes a gulping sound. She sticks her tongue out and groans in disgust.**

**"Ew! That just tasted like ink and paper!" A bright light starts to appear in the middle of her body and the light engulfs the whole area. **

**"Nrragh!" The light dims down to show Xiao Qiao in her adult form. She looks at her hands and looks around.**

**"Oh my god! I exist! Thank you!"**

**"Oh, it seems the two have very distant personalities." Sun Ce jumps up and down while yelling out,****"Do me next! Do me next!" Takasugi takes the other card in his hand and throws it like a ninja star at Da Qiao for it to go into her mouth as she had it open in shock because of Sun Ce's chanting. She undergoes the same bright light and turns into her adult form. **

**"Whoo! That felt good! I actually thought it wouldn't make it! Haha! You two enjoy that-" He notices those four were gone. Takasugi turns to see the auditorium door swinging open and closing. **

**"They'll get shocked!" He holds his hand up to his ear and does not hear shocking noises. **

**"Huh...?" Izuru says to him,"There is a boundary they have to cross in order to get shocked. The boundary extends to the parking lot and they already know that. I'm guessing they want some time with their transformed wives." **

**"Okay... Ah, forget about them. Here's another one."**

For 9 years Sima Yi always wore purple. Now since DW7 he's been wearing light blue. How do you feel about that Sima Yi

Takatora: Are you jealous that Yoshitsugu chose Mitsunari over you?

Zhuge Liang: who is your favorite and be honest. Xu Shu, Jiang Wei, or Yue Ying

**"Sima Yi's wearing purple now... Is that all that matters? And..." He whispers, "He doesn't want to talk because of last chapter... And uh.. I forget... Who's Takatora...?" Suzaku points at Takatora Todo with the handle of his mop.**

**"This guy. If Sima Shi got a duck butt haircut. How could you not remember him despite you having the 'taka' at the begnning of your names?" Takatora glares at Suzaku.**

**"Don't get that vomit on me..."**

**"Well, excuuuuuse me if this job requires you to remember a hundred something characters here! And get that mop carrying fifty shades of green and brown cleaned up! I can see some of that stuff dripping into Kanetsugu's helmet." Kanetsugu looks up and removes his helmet to toss it away, hitting the people sitting in front of him. Suzaku mutters and puts the mop into the bucket and moves off with it outside. Takasugi goes over to the DW side and says,"This thing says to kiss Cai Wenji, Yue Jin. Get to it-Ah!" The mailbox shoots a letter at his head. He grabs it and reads it.**

**"This one says for Cao Cao block the kiss... Okay-Ah!" The mailbox shoots another letter at his face. **

**"Okay... This says to stop Cao Cao from kissing-Gah!" The mailbox shoots another envelope at Takasugi. **

**"Ow! Okay... This says to killed Yue Jin-" Another letter shoots out of the mailbox to hit him in the groin. **

**"Gah...! Why does paper hurt...?" He looks on the ground to see two DVD cases and a pile of letters. He grabs the remaining letters.**

**"Annnd this one says to kill Cao Cao... Huff... We have a little ship war on our hands. In the form of letters. Weird. I expect this in the YouTube comment section or some chatroom..." **

**"Okay! I am done mopping off puke!" Suzaku was running with the bucket of mucky water towards Takasugi and trips on his feet to drop the bucket, spilling the water all over the area around the mailbox. The letter pile turns green and soggy from the mop water.**

**"Oh no..."**

**"Oh sh*bleep*..." Takasugi looks around worriedly and whispers,"Dispose of this before anyone knows." Suzaku gets a mop and pushes the soaked letters into the bucket and he runs outside with it and you hear clanging.**

**"Oh no! We have no more letters! That concludes our-" The mailbox dings loudly and Takasugi opens it to get a single letter. **

**"Okay. Now what-Gh! Mr. Suzuki sent me this! S*bleep*! S*bleep*! Am I fired? Am I fired-Oh. Sima Yi has to hug the crazy fangirl. And my salary's being cut! No!" Suzaku runs back into the auditorium and grabs Takasugi by the collar.**

**"Why is my salary being cut?! It was your fault the SW characters got hurt!" A tap hits both their shoulders and they both turn to se Izuru pointing at the entrance of the auditorium.**

**"What?"**

**"Mr. Suzuki..." They all turn to look towards the entrance and they see a man wearing glasses. The screen pauses for a minute to have words appear below him with the sound of typing with each letter.**

**Akihiro Suzuki**

**Director, Video Game Programmer**

**Made Xu Shu a thing**

**"Mr. Suzuki! What brings you here to this... thing...?"**

**"I just came by to tell you personally you three have cut salaries just in case you didn't get my letter."**

**"You still use letters...?"**

**"Doesn't matter." Akihiro Suzuki walks off with Takasugi grabbing his leg sobbing hysterically.**

**"Come on! Go easy on us! We all have a wife and family!"**

**"No, you don't... I have your profiles and all three of you are single or just broke up with someone." He continues walking with Takasugi clinging to his leg.**

**"Mr. Suzuki! Have a heart here! I'm living off of instant noodles and tiny McDonald burgers here ever since you cut my salary last time! And if we wait any longer, I might lose my heart to those burgers... Mr. Suzuki! No, wait! Suzuki-san! There, I called you in Japanese! Or do you want -senpai or -sama? Suzuki-san-senpai-sama! "**

**"You're just butchering the language!" He kicks forward to send Takasugi at the wall. Akihiro Suzuki leaves the auditorium. **

**"Wow... That was the best you could do?"**

**"What did you want me to do? Offer to suck his dick? No thank you! I've seen the porn, both gay and straight, that had the woman/dude being in danger of losing his/her job and boom! The next shot is her/him getting down there and-"**

**"That's enough. And no, that was not we were thinking you should do. Maybe do a better job?"**

**"Yeah, it's your screw-ups that get us lower salaries in the first place! We can't all steal gold from the DW and SW universes and sell them off to pawn shops only for them to mess up the economy!"**

**"Ah, there's always selling those yaoi doujins. Those rack up so much cash."**

**"Yeah, we can always rely on fangirls to buy anything relating to two guys kissing or doing butt stuff."**

** "Or we can sell nude photos of the pretty characters online."**

**"Yeah! I even got the latest merchandise! Here ya go!" Takasugi takes out a box (out of nowhere) and sets it down. It had photos of mostly woman either nude or showering. Cao Cao and Guo Jia jump out of their seats to run up the stage.**

**"Where did you get these?!"**

**"I thought I had them locked up!" **

**"That's mine!"**

**"And that one's mine!" **

**"And here's the SW photos." Takasugi sets another box filled with inappropriate photos in it. Magoichi, Kenji, Hideyoshi all yell out,"That's mine!" They all look at each other with disbelief and they all say,"Yours?"**

**"I need these more than you do!" **

**"Like hell!" Those three all jump down to create a cartoon fighting cloud thing. In the middle of the thrashing, some from both sides slowly walked up to the boxes and took some pictures to hide them in their pockets or sleeves.**


End file.
